Dear skies,

These days feel a little heavy on my soul. 

I always find myself back here whenever I'm feeling some sort of way. It's not that I'm sad, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. But sometimes, stronger emotions take over control and I find myself being clouded by grey skies that I try my hardest to ignore most times. 

There's a part of me that knows there's a significant end that's coming to a chapter that's been a part of my life for a while now. It's a period of transition in my life where I don't quite feel like the old me anymore, and I know that every decision I make right now will lead to where life will take me in the future. There's a whole lot of uncertainty, but these days, there seemed a be a sort of clarity and finality by the voices in my head, telling me, "it's almost time, you should let go now".

You, skies, have heard my quietest prayers, the long and endless wishing to be back home whenever I'm so far away.  The clouds have seen my deepest sorrows, even when it's being masked by performative smiles. I've been longing, longing to be home and no where else. Just home. 

For years, I've waited for a reason to stay grounded. To keep my feet planted on the ground and allow myself to fully belong somewhere. I never wanted to admit it, but the truth is, the parts of my life spent away from the skies have been the moments I felt most like myself- the version of me that burned with dreams, energy, and fire. The version I thought the skies would help me find. And they did, for a while. Until they didn't.

I no longer feel the pull to go further, higher or faster. The skies have already carried me farther than I ever imagined. I've touched places I've never dreamed of. I've lived out of a suitcase and seen the sun set in languages I don't speak. But now, I feel a quiet shift within me. A knowing. There is a life for me away from the skies. And I think it might shine even brighter. 

But skies, I want to thank you, for holding me when I didn't realise I needed to be held. For teaching me how small I am in the vastness of it all, and how full of wonder I can still be. For reminding me, every time I rose above the clouds, that even the darkest of days can look beautiful from the right altitude.

I don't resent you for the way that I've changed. I think I've just outgrown the version of me that needed you to feel free. Maybe that's what growth looks like- not climbing higher, but finally coming down.

So if this is goodbye, let it be a soft one. No turbulence. No chaos. Just a quiet landing. 

One last descent, into myself. Into home. 
Into whatever comes next.

Love,
Ashhy




A letter to the skies ✈︎

June 7, 2025



Dear skies,

These days feel a little heavy on my soul. 

I always find myself back here whenever I'm feeling some sort of way. It's not that I'm sad, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. But sometimes, stronger emotions take over control and I find myself being clouded by grey skies that I try my hardest to ignore most times. 

There's a part of me that knows there's a significant end that's coming to a chapter that's been a part of my life for a while now. It's a period of transition in my life where I don't quite feel like the old me anymore, and I know that every decision I make right now will lead to where life will take me in the future. There's a whole lot of uncertainty, but these days, there seemed a be a sort of clarity and finality by the voices in my head, telling me, "it's almost time, you should let go now".

You, skies, have heard my quietest prayers, the long and endless wishing to be back home whenever I'm so far away.  The clouds have seen my deepest sorrows, even when it's being masked by performative smiles. I've been longing, longing to be home and no where else. Just home. 

For years, I've waited for a reason to stay grounded. To keep my feet planted on the ground and allow myself to fully belong somewhere. I never wanted to admit it, but the truth is, the parts of my life spent away from the skies have been the moments I felt most like myself- the version of me that burned with dreams, energy, and fire. The version I thought the skies would help me find. And they did, for a while. Until they didn't.

I no longer feel the pull to go further, higher or faster. The skies have already carried me farther than I ever imagined. I've touched places I've never dreamed of. I've lived out of a suitcase and seen the sun set in languages I don't speak. But now, I feel a quiet shift within me. A knowing. There is a life for me away from the skies. And I think it might shine even brighter. 

But skies, I want to thank you, for holding me when I didn't realise I needed to be held. For teaching me how small I am in the vastness of it all, and how full of wonder I can still be. For reminding me, every time I rose above the clouds, that even the darkest of days can look beautiful from the right altitude.

I don't resent you for the way that I've changed. I think I've just outgrown the version of me that needed you to feel free. Maybe that's what growth looks like- not climbing higher, but finally coming down.

So if this is goodbye, let it be a soft one. No turbulence. No chaos. Just a quiet landing. 

One last descent, into myself. Into home. 
Into whatever comes next.

Love,
Ashhy




more

This space I hold so dearly, thank you for being my safe space. 

Today, I wasn't in the best mood. I was frustrated with myself because I had a decision to make, and chose to do the right thing but it backfired. I wondered how different would things be if I had just chosen the choice that benefited me the most instead of trying to do right by me, my values and morals. It made me realise how unfair things can be, and there will be times when nothing really goes your way. And doing the right thing, may not be the best for you after all. 

However, it was my conscience that led me to make the decision I made. I couldn't see myself not doing the right thing, even if it meant that I might lose something because of that decision. I weighed my options, and still decided on taking the high road. I guess, in some ways, I should be proud of myself but sadly, it actually ruined my entire mood and I dealt with it by taking a three-hour nap. Classic. This is how I deal with difficult emotions sometimes. It's how I take care of myself when I feel like I'm spiralling down. 

Truthfully, I'm still bothered by it. However, things have happened the way it did and there's nothing much I could do to turn things around. I'm trying to let the feeling pass, I gave myself some time. As compared to how I felt hours ago, I think I'm doing much better now. 

What turned my entire day around was when a friend of mine who I was sharing my grievances to, surprised me with an order of açai bowl delivered right to my doorstep. "I just wanted to cheer you up," she said. That simple act of kindness, really did turn my whole day around. To know that you are loved, cared for and heard meant a lot more than so many things in this life. Thank you.

And not to get spiritual, but sometimes I think God works in mysterious ways like these. I really didn't know why I was so affected the whole day that nothing could make me feel better, and then this happened, and it really did make me smile. It made me feel like my problems are so insignificant, so little. I can't explain it. I just feel a shift in my energy, and knew that things are going to be okay and it's time for me to move forward and get over how I was feeling. 

And that led me here. 

To be honest, there are so many things I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about taking my parents to Switzerland at the start of the year, where they got to see snow fall for the very first time. I wanted to write about how I challenged myself, took up a new role at work and started learning a new language. French — A language I've always wanted to learn. I wanted to write about how I just hit a milestone, hitting my 10-year mark in the airline. A whole decade of flying, and probably the longest relationship I've ever had. 

I wanted to write about all these stuff, and I guess one day I will. Somehow, what I'll end up writing about would always be tied to how I'm feeling currently, it will always end up sounding rather sentimental. Maybe because deep down I feel that life isn't always about the productivity or achievements. Sometimes, it's about holding yourself in difficult moments and reminding yourself that it will pass — and it did. 

Some days, surviving the feeling is enough.

Love,
Ashhy

"It'll come – and then, it'll pass"

May 15, 2025


This space I hold so dearly, thank you for being my safe space. 

Today, I wasn't in the best mood. I was frustrated with myself because I had a decision to make, and chose to do the right thing but it backfired. I wondered how different would things be if I had just chosen the choice that benefited me the most instead of trying to do right by me, my values and morals. It made me realise how unfair things can be, and there will be times when nothing really goes your way. And doing the right thing, may not be the best for you after all. 

However, it was my conscience that led me to make the decision I made. I couldn't see myself not doing the right thing, even if it meant that I might lose something because of that decision. I weighed my options, and still decided on taking the high road. I guess, in some ways, I should be proud of myself but sadly, it actually ruined my entire mood and I dealt with it by taking a three-hour nap. Classic. This is how I deal with difficult emotions sometimes. It's how I take care of myself when I feel like I'm spiralling down. 

Truthfully, I'm still bothered by it. However, things have happened the way it did and there's nothing much I could do to turn things around. I'm trying to let the feeling pass, I gave myself some time. As compared to how I felt hours ago, I think I'm doing much better now. 

What turned my entire day around was when a friend of mine who I was sharing my grievances to, surprised me with an order of açai bowl delivered right to my doorstep. "I just wanted to cheer you up," she said. That simple act of kindness, really did turn my whole day around. To know that you are loved, cared for and heard meant a lot more than so many things in this life. Thank you.

And not to get spiritual, but sometimes I think God works in mysterious ways like these. I really didn't know why I was so affected the whole day that nothing could make me feel better, and then this happened, and it really did make me smile. It made me feel like my problems are so insignificant, so little. I can't explain it. I just feel a shift in my energy, and knew that things are going to be okay and it's time for me to move forward and get over how I was feeling. 

And that led me here. 

To be honest, there are so many things I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about taking my parents to Switzerland at the start of the year, where they got to see snow fall for the very first time. I wanted to write about how I challenged myself, took up a new role at work and started learning a new language. French — A language I've always wanted to learn. I wanted to write about how I just hit a milestone, hitting my 10-year mark in the airline. A whole decade of flying, and probably the longest relationship I've ever had. 

I wanted to write about all these stuff, and I guess one day I will. Somehow, what I'll end up writing about would always be tied to how I'm feeling currently, it will always end up sounding rather sentimental. Maybe because deep down I feel that life isn't always about the productivity or achievements. Sometimes, it's about holding yourself in difficult moments and reminding yourself that it will pass — and it did. 

Some days, surviving the feeling is enough.

Love,
Ashhy
more


This year came and went in full swing, it felt eventful even in its moments of stagnancy. I find it difficult to believe that it's already May, and we're so close to the second half of the year already. I haven't quite processed everything that happened at the start of the year till now, it all went by so quickly but I'm grateful, so grateful for everything that had happened this year.


I think it's always good to start a post with a little gratitude because honestly life isn't the easiest, but it's the fact that we wake up every day and kept going, that makes it all so worthwhile. 

I haven't touched my laptop in months, haven't been doing any form of writing or journalling at all. I forgot how therapeutic it is to let my thoughts flow, it makes my heart a little lighter. Sometimes, I would feel inspired for a quick second, there would be a couple of topics I told myself that I'd love to write about on my blog, and then I forgot about it. I guess that could be why my last post was in last August. 

Nevertheless, it's always nice to come back to this space. 

I've documented a lot of my thoughts, feeling and emotions in this space without realising how much I've grown in the process, over the years. What used to hurt me, has now become so small and minuscule. What used to wrap around my head so much has changed into questions like, "what can I do to ensure that I can be happy with myself?" and "how do I protect myself better whenever I feel like my emotions are getting out of hand?"

And every decision I make, is solely because I choose to stay away from negative energy that doesn't serve me anymore. I want to be free from those emotions that used to drag me down. There are things that I can control, and many that I can't. 

Of course, I'm not perfect. There are days when I give in to my feelings of self-doubt, to my curiosity and there are days where I don't feel like I can one hundred per cent be true to the words that I keep telling myself. There are days where I give in to the voices that aren't good for me, but here I am, still trying, still wanting so much better for myself. 

As I sit here, listening to the new vinyl from my love, soaking in all the calm vibes that I could get from my single day of rest before resuming the daily grind again tomorrow morning, I find myself feeling absolutely thankful for everything that I have in this life. 

How beautiful a gift that was, such a pleasant surprise. What made it prettier is how we listened to the whole album on repeat while we're chilling and enjoying each other's company, and he went, "It feels different, doesn't it, listening to a record on a vinyl player instead of Spotify." Yes my love, it does. The simplest things always bring forth the most beautiful effects. 

'Be kind to yourself.' 

An advice I keep telling myself over the years. I celebrate every small win because every step into growth that I could take, is something worth celebrating and living for. To know that I'm not the same person that I was yesterday, to know that I'm learning to be a better person with every single day that passed. Every lesson in this life brings growth and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.

Love, 
Ashhy



Vinyl days, quiet ways

May 9, 2025


This year came and went in full swing, it felt eventful even in its moments of stagnancy. I find it difficult to believe that it's already May, and we're so close to the second half of the year already. I haven't quite processed everything that happened at the start of the year till now, it all went by so quickly but I'm grateful, so grateful for everything that had happened this year.


I think it's always good to start a post with a little gratitude because honestly life isn't the easiest, but it's the fact that we wake up every day and kept going, that makes it all so worthwhile. 

I haven't touched my laptop in months, haven't been doing any form of writing or journalling at all. I forgot how therapeutic it is to let my thoughts flow, it makes my heart a little lighter. Sometimes, I would feel inspired for a quick second, there would be a couple of topics I told myself that I'd love to write about on my blog, and then I forgot about it. I guess that could be why my last post was in last August. 

Nevertheless, it's always nice to come back to this space. 

I've documented a lot of my thoughts, feeling and emotions in this space without realising how much I've grown in the process, over the years. What used to hurt me, has now become so small and minuscule. What used to wrap around my head so much has changed into questions like, "what can I do to ensure that I can be happy with myself?" and "how do I protect myself better whenever I feel like my emotions are getting out of hand?"

And every decision I make, is solely because I choose to stay away from negative energy that doesn't serve me anymore. I want to be free from those emotions that used to drag me down. There are things that I can control, and many that I can't. 

Of course, I'm not perfect. There are days when I give in to my feelings of self-doubt, to my curiosity and there are days where I don't feel like I can one hundred per cent be true to the words that I keep telling myself. There are days where I give in to the voices that aren't good for me, but here I am, still trying, still wanting so much better for myself. 

As I sit here, listening to the new vinyl from my love, soaking in all the calm vibes that I could get from my single day of rest before resuming the daily grind again tomorrow morning, I find myself feeling absolutely thankful for everything that I have in this life. 

How beautiful a gift that was, such a pleasant surprise. What made it prettier is how we listened to the whole album on repeat while we're chilling and enjoying each other's company, and he went, "It feels different, doesn't it, listening to a record on a vinyl player instead of Spotify." Yes my love, it does. The simplest things always bring forth the most beautiful effects. 

'Be kind to yourself.' 

An advice I keep telling myself over the years. I celebrate every small win because every step into growth that I could take, is something worth celebrating and living for. To know that I'm not the same person that I was yesterday, to know that I'm learning to be a better person with every single day that passed. Every lesson in this life brings growth and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.

Love, 
Ashhy



more


Hello everyone, August is already here and I had this Taylor Swift song stuck in my head for days hence the reference in the title.

I had this post in my drafts since late July, but had been really slow in completing it. Since I'm on standby duty today, and finally had a bit of time to spare this morning to focus on some writing, I made myself a nice little pot of peppermint tea with manuka honey and a glass of lemon water to get my groove on. I'm not usually like this, but this morning felt different, a good kind of different, so I decided that it's the day I will get this post done and dusted.

July has always been a special month to me. It's also a reminder that we're closer to the end of the year than we are from the start. It is indeed a time to do a lot more reflecting than a little. It is a month where you start to think about how close you are to all the goals you've set at the start of the year, all the hopes and expectations and how it aligns with the reality of the way things are at the moment. It really does make you think.

I've always been the kind of person who has my head above the clouds at all times, that sometimes I get so out of touch with reality. That's the essence of an INFP, I believe. I remember how hopeful I was for the year because it's a leap year and the year I turn 30, and I remain to be hopeful that good things will continue to happen this year.

I would say that this was the year I started saying yes to myself more often, taking trips for the sake of a mental break from reality whenever I had the chance to, and was in touch with my inner child, who doesn't want to miss out on any opportunities for relaxation of the mind, body and soul. This is the year I utilised my staff benefits a lot more than the past years I've been with the airline, really making the most out of it. 

This year, I wanted to spent more days living and creating moments for myself that doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful or unique to others, but they are to me and only me. 

I believe that everybody needs a reset button every once in a while, a break from life. At this age, I realised how much of a luxury it is to have time to yourself especially when you're free from other commitments. I don't see myself being this way for a long time, so I'm trying my best to treasure the time I have to myself, for as long as I can. 

The last week of July had been rather eventful for me. It's as if everything took a 180 degrees turn, all of a sudden. I’m thankful for it all. It also gave me the push to strive for my goals, even if it seems impossible at first. I don't want to stress myself thinking of the outcome. All I know is that what gives me the highest of highs is knowing that I've done myself proud because I did a good thing for myself. That's enough for me.

It’s already the start of August now, and I wanted to celebrate what the last seven months of the year had been for me, so I took myself out to catch a Californian sunset in Manhattan Beach, Los Angeles. It was honestly the best decision I’ve made before the end of July. 















I still remember how it felt like when the Uber driver dropped me off at the walkway, and I was greeted by the beautiful sky, preparing its descend as gracefully and elegantly as can be, slowly taking its time. I, then, took a nice stroll to the end of the pier to get an uninterrupted view of the magnificent sky. 

My little daydream was momentarily hijacked by a passer-by who decided to strike a conversation with me (and apparently, there was another girl who was alone, she was also harrassed by the same man so she came over to talk to me after). After a few of encounters like this with strangers, I've learned how not to offend a person by slowly excusing myself. I'd like to think that most people only have good intentions, but sometimes solo travellers are targeted for reasons that are not exactly innocent. 

I may not be the best person to give advice on this matter but I guess how I deal with such situation is to trust the energy (whether it's good or bad), be respectful yet firm,  and be absolutely wary of your surroundings at all times. It's best to leave the area as soon as you're able to if you sense that you're being followed.

I made my way from the pier to the beach, picked a quiet spot to sit and enjoy the rest of the sunset. All in all, I'm just really glad that I made time on my clear day for this, despite feeling so jetlagged and low on energy. It was something that my soul truly needed.










There's just something about a Californian sunset that hits differently.

I love the beach, the vibes, the sand, the sea, the view and the way the sky changes colour. It's the universe's gift to us, every day. A reminder that no matter what happens, the sun will rise and set again. And during those pivotal moments, there will always be something good to hold on to, no matter how fleeting they are. Live for the good momemts, and let the bad ones pass us by. Things will always be okay at the end of the day.

Hope is that one thing that keeps us going. The hope that tomorrow will be a better day than it is today. It keeps us moving forward even when life seems bleak. I'm still hopeful that I haven't lived my best moments in life yet, there's still a whole future out there for me to achieve what I've always wanted, to watch my dreams come into fruition. I'm still living for the hope of it all. 

I hope you will, too. 

Love, 
Ashhy

To live for the hope of it all,

August 10, 2024



Hello everyone, August is already here and I had this Taylor Swift song stuck in my head for days hence the reference in the title.

I had this post in my drafts since late July, but had been really slow in completing it. Since I'm on standby duty today, and finally had a bit of time to spare this morning to focus on some writing, I made myself a nice little pot of peppermint tea with manuka honey and a glass of lemon water to get my groove on. I'm not usually like this, but this morning felt different, a good kind of different, so I decided that it's the day I will get this post done and dusted.

July has always been a special month to me. It's also a reminder that we're closer to the end of the year than we are from the start. It is indeed a time to do a lot more reflecting than a little. It is a month where you start to think about how close you are to all the goals you've set at the start of the year, all the hopes and expectations and how it aligns with the reality of the way things are at the moment. It really does make you think.

I've always been the kind of person who has my head above the clouds at all times, that sometimes I get so out of touch with reality. That's the essence of an INFP, I believe. I remember how hopeful I was for the year because it's a leap year and the year I turn 30, and I remain to be hopeful that good things will continue to happen this year.

I would say that this was the year I started saying yes to myself more often, taking trips for the sake of a mental break from reality whenever I had the chance to, and was in touch with my inner child, who doesn't want to miss out on any opportunities for relaxation of the mind, body and soul. This is the year I utilised my staff benefits a lot more than the past years I've been with the airline, really making the most out of it. 

This year, I wanted to spent more days living and creating moments for myself that doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful or unique to others, but they are to me and only me. 

I believe that everybody needs a reset button every once in a while, a break from life. At this age, I realised how much of a luxury it is to have time to yourself especially when you're free from other commitments. I don't see myself being this way for a long time, so I'm trying my best to treasure the time I have to myself, for as long as I can. 

The last week of July had been rather eventful for me. It's as if everything took a 180 degrees turn, all of a sudden. I’m thankful for it all. It also gave me the push to strive for my goals, even if it seems impossible at first. I don't want to stress myself thinking of the outcome. All I know is that what gives me the highest of highs is knowing that I've done myself proud because I did a good thing for myself. That's enough for me.

It’s already the start of August now, and I wanted to celebrate what the last seven months of the year had been for me, so I took myself out to catch a Californian sunset in Manhattan Beach, Los Angeles. It was honestly the best decision I’ve made before the end of July. 















I still remember how it felt like when the Uber driver dropped me off at the walkway, and I was greeted by the beautiful sky, preparing its descend as gracefully and elegantly as can be, slowly taking its time. I, then, took a nice stroll to the end of the pier to get an uninterrupted view of the magnificent sky. 

My little daydream was momentarily hijacked by a passer-by who decided to strike a conversation with me (and apparently, there was another girl who was alone, she was also harrassed by the same man so she came over to talk to me after). After a few of encounters like this with strangers, I've learned how not to offend a person by slowly excusing myself. I'd like to think that most people only have good intentions, but sometimes solo travellers are targeted for reasons that are not exactly innocent. 

I may not be the best person to give advice on this matter but I guess how I deal with such situation is to trust the energy (whether it's good or bad), be respectful yet firm,  and be absolutely wary of your surroundings at all times. It's best to leave the area as soon as you're able to if you sense that you're being followed.

I made my way from the pier to the beach, picked a quiet spot to sit and enjoy the rest of the sunset. All in all, I'm just really glad that I made time on my clear day for this, despite feeling so jetlagged and low on energy. It was something that my soul truly needed.










There's just something about a Californian sunset that hits differently.

I love the beach, the vibes, the sand, the sea, the view and the way the sky changes colour. It's the universe's gift to us, every day. A reminder that no matter what happens, the sun will rise and set again. And during those pivotal moments, there will always be something good to hold on to, no matter how fleeting they are. Live for the good momemts, and let the bad ones pass us by. Things will always be okay at the end of the day.

Hope is that one thing that keeps us going. The hope that tomorrow will be a better day than it is today. It keeps us moving forward even when life seems bleak. I'm still hopeful that I haven't lived my best moments in life yet, there's still a whole future out there for me to achieve what I've always wanted, to watch my dreams come into fruition. I'm still living for the hope of it all. 

I hope you will, too. 

Love, 
Ashhy
more

It's been a whole year since my last post. And I thought maybe writing might do me some good tonight. It wasn't intentional. I just have a lot in my mind. A lot of thoughts and self-reflection that I've been doing the past couple of days, making it a little crowded in my head and I thought maybe, just maybe, writing them into words might just help me a little with the whole process.

Before I get to that, I just want to show a little appreciation to those of you who are still here, who are still reading, still lurking, still wanting to get a little glimpse of my inner thoughts. The biggest compliment or flattery that I could ever receive is when people come up to me and tell me that they like what I write about in my blog, and they wondered why I stopped writing. Thank you, for coming up to me to tell me how my posts have helped you cope with your depression and mental state of mind. I know how isolating it can be to feel as though you're going through this alone, but you're not. You're truly not.

In fact, I understand how difficult it is to talk about mental health. It's also partly why I have been trying to keep a little quiet, not baring my soul as how I dared to before. It can be daunting, you see, being this open and vulnerable when you don't know if the people at the other side of the screen are good souls who are with you, or just lurkers waiting to see you fall. To be honest, my heart is beating out of my chest as I typed all these. It gives me a great amount of anxiety, but I know it's something I have to overcome. 

Why? You'd ask. I guess, it's because I believe that the other side of fear is a beautiful thing. At the end of the day, nobody else's opinion truly matter. I guess, it's because I've come to realise that not only does my openness and vulnerability help you as a reader, but it also helps me as a writer, to truly understand why I'm having these whirlwind of emotions and how exactly to put them into words so I can think about how to overcome them. I guess, this is how I truly heal. Even it takes a whole year for me to get here.

I guess, when I'm writing on this blog, I feel like I'm getting closer to the version of me that had been hidden away for so long. The girl who writes about her thoughts, feelings and is fearless about baring her soul. 

These days I've been thinking about how easily I get emotionally and socially drained that I almost always choose to be alone after a flight because I have to recharge my social battery, and recharge well. It's almost like if I were to go out with my set of crew after a flight, it means I must be comfortable enough with them to sacrifice my rest and alone time for more social activities post-work. That honestly doesn't happen a lot because I'm someone who craves a real connection and does rather badly at small talks because I'm so socially awkward, so I stay away from meaningless interactions as much as I can. 

I know it's a little odd, how someone could be this introverted and closed up, yet still be in a line of work that encourages you to be extroverted and pretty much a social butterfly, but we do exist in this line. And a lot of introverts actually do really well in this job, somehow. There are also a lot of people who are somehow in the middle of the spectrum where they are able to switch between their personalities to fit the role they're playing in their profession and personal life. I, however, belong in the category of introverts who are very close the furthest end of what you would think an introvert would be like. Top that up with a little bit of anxiety issues and healing through a series of mental health issues that I typically don't say out loud.

Living in that state of mind, can be exhausting. The noise is typically on the inside, and it's almost too loud for yourself to deal with. When my social battery runs out, it's like I'm screaming for relief in a sense of aloneness. It's when I finally get time to myself, that's when I could recharge and be at my happiest. The world moves too quickly, but when I'm alone, I feel like time slows down, it's peaceful and I can hear my thoughts a little better too. When I can finally listen to them, I'm more than able to give myself what I truly need and deserve. 

Not many has the privilege to truly see and get to know the real me. And I guess not many will. It takes a lot for me to open up to someone, and I consider it to be a rare honour to have a glimpse into the deepest part of my soul. All the good, bad and ugly. It takes a certain kind of strength in an individual to be able to handle that too. I don't trust easily, and it takes a lot for me truly let my guard down.

I have learned that the only safe place you have is the home you've made for yourself. 

And what I mean by this is that, you can care a ton about others, but you will always hurt if you expect them to care for you the same way. You can pour all your love into another, but don't ever leave nothing behind for yourself. It's not selfish to love yourself. It's not selfish to take care of yourself first before you take care of others. You have to show up for yourself first. 

Let your heart be your safe place. Let yourself be the number one priority of your life. That way, your expectations of others won't ever lead to disappointments. Because at the end of the day, you know you have yourself to fall back on. Let the home you've build inside you be the safest most comfortable space you have for yourself, because that's what you deserve. You have it in you to give yourself what you deserve. 

Always remember that.

Love,
Ashhy

The introverted state of mind

June 5, 2024


It's been a whole year since my last post. And I thought maybe writing might do me some good tonight. It wasn't intentional. I just have a lot in my mind. A lot of thoughts and self-reflection that I've been doing the past couple of days, making it a little crowded in my head and I thought maybe, just maybe, writing them into words might just help me a little with the whole process.

Before I get to that, I just want to show a little appreciation to those of you who are still here, who are still reading, still lurking, still wanting to get a little glimpse of my inner thoughts. The biggest compliment or flattery that I could ever receive is when people come up to me and tell me that they like what I write about in my blog, and they wondered why I stopped writing. Thank you, for coming up to me to tell me how my posts have helped you cope with your depression and mental state of mind. I know how isolating it can be to feel as though you're going through this alone, but you're not. You're truly not.

In fact, I understand how difficult it is to talk about mental health. It's also partly why I have been trying to keep a little quiet, not baring my soul as how I dared to before. It can be daunting, you see, being this open and vulnerable when you don't know if the people at the other side of the screen are good souls who are with you, or just lurkers waiting to see you fall. To be honest, my heart is beating out of my chest as I typed all these. It gives me a great amount of anxiety, but I know it's something I have to overcome. 

Why? You'd ask. I guess, it's because I believe that the other side of fear is a beautiful thing. At the end of the day, nobody else's opinion truly matter. I guess, it's because I've come to realise that not only does my openness and vulnerability help you as a reader, but it also helps me as a writer, to truly understand why I'm having these whirlwind of emotions and how exactly to put them into words so I can think about how to overcome them. I guess, this is how I truly heal. Even it takes a whole year for me to get here.

I guess, when I'm writing on this blog, I feel like I'm getting closer to the version of me that had been hidden away for so long. The girl who writes about her thoughts, feelings and is fearless about baring her soul. 

These days I've been thinking about how easily I get emotionally and socially drained that I almost always choose to be alone after a flight because I have to recharge my social battery, and recharge well. It's almost like if I were to go out with my set of crew after a flight, it means I must be comfortable enough with them to sacrifice my rest and alone time for more social activities post-work. That honestly doesn't happen a lot because I'm someone who craves a real connection and does rather badly at small talks because I'm so socially awkward, so I stay away from meaningless interactions as much as I can. 

I know it's a little odd, how someone could be this introverted and closed up, yet still be in a line of work that encourages you to be extroverted and pretty much a social butterfly, but we do exist in this line. And a lot of introverts actually do really well in this job, somehow. There are also a lot of people who are somehow in the middle of the spectrum where they are able to switch between their personalities to fit the role they're playing in their profession and personal life. I, however, belong in the category of introverts who are very close the furthest end of what you would think an introvert would be like. Top that up with a little bit of anxiety issues and healing through a series of mental health issues that I typically don't say out loud.

Living in that state of mind, can be exhausting. The noise is typically on the inside, and it's almost too loud for yourself to deal with. When my social battery runs out, it's like I'm screaming for relief in a sense of aloneness. It's when I finally get time to myself, that's when I could recharge and be at my happiest. The world moves too quickly, but when I'm alone, I feel like time slows down, it's peaceful and I can hear my thoughts a little better too. When I can finally listen to them, I'm more than able to give myself what I truly need and deserve. 

Not many has the privilege to truly see and get to know the real me. And I guess not many will. It takes a lot for me to open up to someone, and I consider it to be a rare honour to have a glimpse into the deepest part of my soul. All the good, bad and ugly. It takes a certain kind of strength in an individual to be able to handle that too. I don't trust easily, and it takes a lot for me truly let my guard down.

I have learned that the only safe place you have is the home you've made for yourself. 

And what I mean by this is that, you can care a ton about others, but you will always hurt if you expect them to care for you the same way. You can pour all your love into another, but don't ever leave nothing behind for yourself. It's not selfish to love yourself. It's not selfish to take care of yourself first before you take care of others. You have to show up for yourself first. 

Let your heart be your safe place. Let yourself be the number one priority of your life. That way, your expectations of others won't ever lead to disappointments. Because at the end of the day, you know you have yourself to fall back on. Let the home you've build inside you be the safest most comfortable space you have for yourself, because that's what you deserve. You have it in you to give yourself what you deserve. 

Always remember that.

Love,
Ashhy
more



I have 45 minutes before I need to get ready for an appointment, and I thought "Hmm, perhaps it's a good time to write”.  Perhaps it's the two cups of oat milk iced coffee I had this morning, or perhaps it's just an influx of energy I had after sleeping for a total of 12 hours after coming home from an overnight turn. Either way, I'm thankful for the way I feel today. 

It's also been three hours since I've started queuing up for Coldplay tickets online. I'm almost there, and I just know it will be worth the wait. You know, I've never really been the type to wait in line for tickets but I really want to go for this one. 

As I get older, I realised that it's important to make time for those little moments in life that makes you feel alive. Life can get a little mundane sometimes, especially when you're so used to following a routine. I'm thankful that my job isn't as structured, but even following a rigid roster month after month  feels a lot like a routine, day in day out. And during my off days,  I usually catch up on sleep unless I have errands to run. It has become something I really look forward to. Then it's back to the get-go. 

So it's little moments like going to a concert, having a short getaway with my love, and just basically taking a break from life- that’s what I usually look forward to. These little moments. They're what makes all the difference. 

I realised that I don't need a lot of these little moments. I don't even use social media as much as I used to. The constant need to show others what's going on in my life, has gone. Part of the reason why I stayed away is because I get really afraid of people knowing what I'm up to. Somehow that gives me a kind of anxiety that I can't explain. So I tend to post throwbacks, months after or not at all. It makes me feel safer. 

Sometimes it's better to take the back seat and observe instead. I do learn a lot from just watching, to be honest. It's my turn to be inspired by all of you. I find human behaviour so interesting, and I love the kind of people who are so giving and selfless with their sharing of knowledge. And I find that it's useful when I tune out things that makes me feel a negative way, so I mute them away. It helps, I realise, to have control over what makes you feel good and is safe for your mental health.

Living life quietly has been good for me. I don't feel like I'm a product of peer pressure anymore, instead I do things at my own pace, at my own time, and the way I like it. It's no longer about pleasing others anymore, it's all about making sure that I am happy with what I put out and share with the world. No matter how much or how little. 

Take control of your time, your energy. After all, the only person you have to truly please is yourself. Do things at your own speed, your own pace, at your own terms and what feels true to you. 

That's all that matters.

Love,
Ashhy

Protect your soul, your energy

June 19, 2023



I have 45 minutes before I need to get ready for an appointment, and I thought "Hmm, perhaps it's a good time to write”.  Perhaps it's the two cups of oat milk iced coffee I had this morning, or perhaps it's just an influx of energy I had after sleeping for a total of 12 hours after coming home from an overnight turn. Either way, I'm thankful for the way I feel today. 

It's also been three hours since I've started queuing up for Coldplay tickets online. I'm almost there, and I just know it will be worth the wait. You know, I've never really been the type to wait in line for tickets but I really want to go for this one. 

As I get older, I realised that it's important to make time for those little moments in life that makes you feel alive. Life can get a little mundane sometimes, especially when you're so used to following a routine. I'm thankful that my job isn't as structured, but even following a rigid roster month after month  feels a lot like a routine, day in day out. And during my off days,  I usually catch up on sleep unless I have errands to run. It has become something I really look forward to. Then it's back to the get-go. 

So it's little moments like going to a concert, having a short getaway with my love, and just basically taking a break from life- that’s what I usually look forward to. These little moments. They're what makes all the difference. 

I realised that I don't need a lot of these little moments. I don't even use social media as much as I used to. The constant need to show others what's going on in my life, has gone. Part of the reason why I stayed away is because I get really afraid of people knowing what I'm up to. Somehow that gives me a kind of anxiety that I can't explain. So I tend to post throwbacks, months after or not at all. It makes me feel safer. 

Sometimes it's better to take the back seat and observe instead. I do learn a lot from just watching, to be honest. It's my turn to be inspired by all of you. I find human behaviour so interesting, and I love the kind of people who are so giving and selfless with their sharing of knowledge. And I find that it's useful when I tune out things that makes me feel a negative way, so I mute them away. It helps, I realise, to have control over what makes you feel good and is safe for your mental health.

Living life quietly has been good for me. I don't feel like I'm a product of peer pressure anymore, instead I do things at my own pace, at my own time, and the way I like it. It's no longer about pleasing others anymore, it's all about making sure that I am happy with what I put out and share with the world. No matter how much or how little. 

Take control of your time, your energy. After all, the only person you have to truly please is yourself. Do things at your own speed, your own pace, at your own terms and what feels true to you. 

That's all that matters.

Love,
Ashhy
more


Hello everyone. I've been meaning to write a post about 'Fleur By Ash' because it's something so important and intimate to me. Fleur  is my little baby project of my own handmade tasbihs and it will always be one of the most meaningful things I've ever done in my life. Hence, I believe it deserves a post dedicated to it here, on my blog. 

A tasbih, is essentially an Islamic prayer beads, similar to a rosary. It's a tool a Muslim would use for prayers, to keep count of sacred recitations (Dhikr) in Islamic traditions. That's the definition I got online, and the best way to describe what it is to those who aren't familiar with it. 

First and foremost, I'd like to say that I wouldn't say that I'm someone who is well-versed in my own religion, or an exemplary Muslim. Based on how I portray myself online, I don't blame anyone who thinks I'm the furthest thing from being anything close to 'religious' or 'pious' based on how I look, or dress and the lifestyle I seem to have.

That's alright with me, because I've always believed that everything I do is between Allah and I, and people will think what they want to think, and say what they want to say, and that's out of my control. What's more important is what I can do within my control, and that is to continue to try to be a better Muslim, at my own time, my own pace, and for the right intentions- which is for Allah and Him alone. Like I said, I do feel like I still have a long way to go, but I believe in my own journey to get there.

I grew up in a family where my parents will never force us to live our lives according to their plans. My parents gave us the freedom to choose our paths, as long as we know what's right and wrong. My parents taught me how to live humbly, and to always be thankful with what we have. Even though we are a Muslim household, my parents educated us with what's necessary but will never force us beyond that. I think they have this mentality that when the time is right, we'll know what we're supposed to do. 

They are the most humble, simple, most pure pair of souls I've ever known in my life. Their love for our religion is so evident and so inspiring. They don't miss a single prayer in their lives, and will always be doing additional recitations of the Quran whenever they can find the time. And I can say that I know how unconditional love feels like because I grew up with parents like them who would truly put us before themselves. 

My parents deserve the world, and so much more. And the best thing I've ever done in this life is to help them fulfil their lifelong dream of performing Umrah pilgrimage. It was the happiest they've ever been.

The reason why I spent a little time telling all of you about my parents is because I wanted to be clear that who I am as I person, and how I am and especially the way I dress and my decisions in life, has nothing to do with bad upbringing because I know for a fact that my parents have brought me up the best way they can. 

Who I decide to be, and what I decide to do is all on me, and I take responsibility for all of that. Who I am as a person. No matter what, I am proud of the person I am because I know my heart best, and again, I stress, I truly believe that what truly matters is how true you are to yourself on the inside, and as long as you know and you're confident that your intentions are good, you'll be okay. 

The relationship that you have with Allah is something so personal, and it's only between you and Allah.

Every day I am aware of the ways that I'm sinning, but there's that definite belief I have inside of me, that my Creator is my Protector. And no matter what I'm going through, I have that strong belief in me that it is all part of my journey, and that if He brings me to it, then He will bring me through it.

When I was at my lowest, praying was my only solace. Then I realised that I never had a tasbih, but I had the intention to perform Dhikr, and my mother's prayer beads was right there. It was the simplest tool, but it helped me tremendously. 

I was also inspired by this amazing artist who paints Islamic Art, and creates the most beautiful handmade tasbihs. I wondered to myself if there's a way of creating something beautiful, caters to the masses, yet stay affordable so that became my driving force. I loved creating art, hence it was more of me trying to pick up a new hobby of beading so it's more of a past time thing than something I do to earn on the side.

The best moment I had with 'Fleur By Ash' is when a good friend of mine, Fi, who is the owner of 'Want Some Pies' invited me to join her booth for an event called Eid Souk by Mashal at the Visual Arts Centre. It was honestly the most special moment for my humble little business because it's a chance to put my tasbihs out there. The whole 3-day event was just such an exciting, new and incredibly humbling experience to me.




I don't have any major plans for this little business as of now, but to do it whenever I have free time with the very little days off I have from my primary source of income. However, every single time I have orders, I feel so thankful to still be remembered. I still really enjoy making tasbihs, it's still so very therapeutic for my soul. 

If I could do something better, I think I would love to be more consistent with my posting on @fleurbyash's IG account and make the effort to build up on followers. I think creating more content to be posted up would be a good step towards getting the name of the brand out there, and I'm also looking forward to creating new designs in time to come. 

To those who have purchased a tasbih from me and supported me in any way, thank you so much. Words cannot describe the way I feel each and every time I receive orders, and spend some quiet time creating these pieces for all of you- it's one of my favourite things to do because I feel so honoured to have the opportunity to create something so meaningful for all of you. Thank you, once again, for all your love and support. 

Click on link to visit my page: https://www.instagram.com/fleurbyash/

Love,
Ashhy

The story behind 'Fleur'

February 2, 2023


Hello everyone. I've been meaning to write a post about 'Fleur By Ash' because it's something so important and intimate to me. Fleur  is my little baby project of my own handmade tasbihs and it will always be one of the most meaningful things I've ever done in my life. Hence, I believe it deserves a post dedicated to it here, on my blog. 

A tasbih, is essentially an Islamic prayer beads, similar to a rosary. It's a tool a Muslim would use for prayers, to keep count of sacred recitations (Dhikr) in Islamic traditions. That's the definition I got online, and the best way to describe what it is to those who aren't familiar with it. 

First and foremost, I'd like to say that I wouldn't say that I'm someone who is well-versed in my own religion, or an exemplary Muslim. Based on how I portray myself online, I don't blame anyone who thinks I'm the furthest thing from being anything close to 'religious' or 'pious' based on how I look, or dress and the lifestyle I seem to have.

That's alright with me, because I've always believed that everything I do is between Allah and I, and people will think what they want to think, and say what they want to say, and that's out of my control. What's more important is what I can do within my control, and that is to continue to try to be a better Muslim, at my own time, my own pace, and for the right intentions- which is for Allah and Him alone. Like I said, I do feel like I still have a long way to go, but I believe in my own journey to get there.

I grew up in a family where my parents will never force us to live our lives according to their plans. My parents gave us the freedom to choose our paths, as long as we know what's right and wrong. My parents taught me how to live humbly, and to always be thankful with what we have. Even though we are a Muslim household, my parents educated us with what's necessary but will never force us beyond that. I think they have this mentality that when the time is right, we'll know what we're supposed to do. 

They are the most humble, simple, most pure pair of souls I've ever known in my life. Their love for our religion is so evident and so inspiring. They don't miss a single prayer in their lives, and will always be doing additional recitations of the Quran whenever they can find the time. And I can say that I know how unconditional love feels like because I grew up with parents like them who would truly put us before themselves. 

My parents deserve the world, and so much more. And the best thing I've ever done in this life is to help them fulfil their lifelong dream of performing Umrah pilgrimage. It was the happiest they've ever been.

The reason why I spent a little time telling all of you about my parents is because I wanted to be clear that who I am as I person, and how I am and especially the way I dress and my decisions in life, has nothing to do with bad upbringing because I know for a fact that my parents have brought me up the best way they can. 

Who I decide to be, and what I decide to do is all on me, and I take responsibility for all of that. Who I am as a person. No matter what, I am proud of the person I am because I know my heart best, and again, I stress, I truly believe that what truly matters is how true you are to yourself on the inside, and as long as you know and you're confident that your intentions are good, you'll be okay. 

The relationship that you have with Allah is something so personal, and it's only between you and Allah.

Every day I am aware of the ways that I'm sinning, but there's that definite belief I have inside of me, that my Creator is my Protector. And no matter what I'm going through, I have that strong belief in me that it is all part of my journey, and that if He brings me to it, then He will bring me through it.

When I was at my lowest, praying was my only solace. Then I realised that I never had a tasbih, but I had the intention to perform Dhikr, and my mother's prayer beads was right there. It was the simplest tool, but it helped me tremendously. 

I was also inspired by this amazing artist who paints Islamic Art, and creates the most beautiful handmade tasbihs. I wondered to myself if there's a way of creating something beautiful, caters to the masses, yet stay affordable so that became my driving force. I loved creating art, hence it was more of me trying to pick up a new hobby of beading so it's more of a past time thing than something I do to earn on the side.

The best moment I had with 'Fleur By Ash' is when a good friend of mine, Fi, who is the owner of 'Want Some Pies' invited me to join her booth for an event called Eid Souk by Mashal at the Visual Arts Centre. It was honestly the most special moment for my humble little business because it's a chance to put my tasbihs out there. The whole 3-day event was just such an exciting, new and incredibly humbling experience to me.




I don't have any major plans for this little business as of now, but to do it whenever I have free time with the very little days off I have from my primary source of income. However, every single time I have orders, I feel so thankful to still be remembered. I still really enjoy making tasbihs, it's still so very therapeutic for my soul. 

If I could do something better, I think I would love to be more consistent with my posting on @fleurbyash's IG account and make the effort to build up on followers. I think creating more content to be posted up would be a good step towards getting the name of the brand out there, and I'm also looking forward to creating new designs in time to come. 

To those who have purchased a tasbih from me and supported me in any way, thank you so much. Words cannot describe the way I feel each and every time I receive orders, and spend some quiet time creating these pieces for all of you- it's one of my favourite things to do because I feel so honoured to have the opportunity to create something so meaningful for all of you. Thank you, once again, for all your love and support. 

Click on link to visit my page: https://www.instagram.com/fleurbyash/

Love,
Ashhy

more


Hello 2023. 

I've been living life a little more quietly recently, and I find myself to be in a place where my heart truly feels safe and at peace. A little mundane sometimes, but it brings me closer to myself because I'm learning to pay attention to what my heart truly wants and what makes me happy. 

I don't know how else to describe it, but this new year has been a breath of fresh air. I don't know if new beginnings just have this kind of effect, but there's a certain kind of positivity in the air that I can't quite put my finger on it. But I like it. I like the feeling of turning to a fresh new page of a brand new book. 

There are so many things that I'm grateful for in 2022. I wouldn't say it has been the best year for me, but it was the year that I had to readjust to a life that's been so familiar to me, yet so different after the pandemic. It was the year that I made a number of tough decisions and followed my heart, and the year that I put my mental health at first place, above everything else. 

2022 felt like real life to me. Full of good moments, amidst all the pain and heartaches. There had been moments where I feel like I've been put to a test a lot, but it was in those moments where I keep telling myself that this is the part where you have to hang on to yourself the most, and never lose sight of that. Let things go, and if it comes back to you, you know that they're meant to stay. 

I will always be true to my emotions, no matter how conflicted I am. This was the year I've learned a lot about patience. Patience with others, and patience with yourself. 

It was also the year where I've learned that the person I needed to take care of the most is myself, because the only one who truly knows what you've been through, and the one who has to feel everything that you feel, is you. You can have the best support system, the best lover, the best family and friends, and you feel supported all in all, but if your relationship with yourself is lacking in some ways, you will never feel whole. 

There's this term that I've learned in a psychological book that I've read a while ago, and it's called our 'Inner Child'. Everyone of us has that Inner Child in us, which is the representation of all the trauma, abandonment issues that we might have in our past. Our Inner Child tends to act upon our innermost desires, and would get emotionally hurt if his/her needs aren't met. This is why it's especially important for us to learn how to manage our Inner Child by activating that rational, adult side of us so that our Inner Child do not take over control of our emotions that it's difficult for us to move forward with life. 

When our Inner Child has been hurt, it gets difficult for us to appease them. But it's also our responsibility to always ensure that your Inner Child is okay, and for that to happen, you have to learn how to take good care of yourself, in all ways possible, and ensure that the 'Adult Us' is mentally and physically healthy enough, always. The relationship that we have with our Inner Child is crucial, because the better you learn to take care of your Inner Child, the better you get at ensuring that you're okay, in all areas of life. This is the kind of inner work that cannot be done by others, because this is an area that only you yourself can tap into. The hardest part of the work has to be done by you, and no one else. Our relationship with our Inner Child is the one that we should keep trying to work on and cultivate, to keep the connection healthy and strong. That's how you heal yourself.

Healing is a slow and lonely process, but I'm very grateful that every day, I feel stronger and better. Every day, I learn a little bit more about myself and most importantly, I learn to listen to what my heart and body wants. Days I feel like I need to rest, I would rest. Days I feel like I need to get myself out there and get some fresh air, I would. Days I feel like connecting with my friends, I would reach out and socialise to catch up. Days I feel like I want to be by myself, I'd honour that. 

And to the person who has been making me the happiest every day, I'm so thankful for you for being there for me through it all. 

May this year be an amazing one for us all. I pray that it will be filled with nothing but good vibes, lots of happiness and love. I pray that we will all be in good health and that our mental health will be prioritised and well taken care of. I pray that it will be a year full of good highs that lasts a lifetime. I pray that we will find peace in our souls, and contentment in our hearts. I pray that we will all be okay.

Happy blessed 2023, everyone. Let's continue to be kind to one another, always, in all ways.

Love, 
Ashhy

A breath of fresh air

January 11, 2023


Hello 2023. 

I've been living life a little more quietly recently, and I find myself to be in a place where my heart truly feels safe and at peace. A little mundane sometimes, but it brings me closer to myself because I'm learning to pay attention to what my heart truly wants and what makes me happy. 

I don't know how else to describe it, but this new year has been a breath of fresh air. I don't know if new beginnings just have this kind of effect, but there's a certain kind of positivity in the air that I can't quite put my finger on it. But I like it. I like the feeling of turning to a fresh new page of a brand new book. 

There are so many things that I'm grateful for in 2022. I wouldn't say it has been the best year for me, but it was the year that I had to readjust to a life that's been so familiar to me, yet so different after the pandemic. It was the year that I made a number of tough decisions and followed my heart, and the year that I put my mental health at first place, above everything else. 

2022 felt like real life to me. Full of good moments, amidst all the pain and heartaches. There had been moments where I feel like I've been put to a test a lot, but it was in those moments where I keep telling myself that this is the part where you have to hang on to yourself the most, and never lose sight of that. Let things go, and if it comes back to you, you know that they're meant to stay. 

I will always be true to my emotions, no matter how conflicted I am. This was the year I've learned a lot about patience. Patience with others, and patience with yourself. 

It was also the year where I've learned that the person I needed to take care of the most is myself, because the only one who truly knows what you've been through, and the one who has to feel everything that you feel, is you. You can have the best support system, the best lover, the best family and friends, and you feel supported all in all, but if your relationship with yourself is lacking in some ways, you will never feel whole. 

There's this term that I've learned in a psychological book that I've read a while ago, and it's called our 'Inner Child'. Everyone of us has that Inner Child in us, which is the representation of all the trauma, abandonment issues that we might have in our past. Our Inner Child tends to act upon our innermost desires, and would get emotionally hurt if his/her needs aren't met. This is why it's especially important for us to learn how to manage our Inner Child by activating that rational, adult side of us so that our Inner Child do not take over control of our emotions that it's difficult for us to move forward with life. 

When our Inner Child has been hurt, it gets difficult for us to appease them. But it's also our responsibility to always ensure that your Inner Child is okay, and for that to happen, you have to learn how to take good care of yourself, in all ways possible, and ensure that the 'Adult Us' is mentally and physically healthy enough, always. The relationship that we have with our Inner Child is crucial, because the better you learn to take care of your Inner Child, the better you get at ensuring that you're okay, in all areas of life. This is the kind of inner work that cannot be done by others, because this is an area that only you yourself can tap into. The hardest part of the work has to be done by you, and no one else. Our relationship with our Inner Child is the one that we should keep trying to work on and cultivate, to keep the connection healthy and strong. That's how you heal yourself.

Healing is a slow and lonely process, but I'm very grateful that every day, I feel stronger and better. Every day, I learn a little bit more about myself and most importantly, I learn to listen to what my heart and body wants. Days I feel like I need to rest, I would rest. Days I feel like I need to get myself out there and get some fresh air, I would. Days I feel like connecting with my friends, I would reach out and socialise to catch up. Days I feel like I want to be by myself, I'd honour that. 

And to the person who has been making me the happiest every day, I'm so thankful for you for being there for me through it all. 

May this year be an amazing one for us all. I pray that it will be filled with nothing but good vibes, lots of happiness and love. I pray that we will all be in good health and that our mental health will be prioritised and well taken care of. I pray that it will be a year full of good highs that lasts a lifetime. I pray that we will find peace in our souls, and contentment in our hearts. I pray that we will all be okay.

Happy blessed 2023, everyone. Let's continue to be kind to one another, always, in all ways.

Love, 
Ashhy

more

Back in July, I had a block of annual leave. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, and where I wanted to go but I knew I wanted to be somewhere. All I had in mind was, "somewhere I could breathe".

Bali was the place of choice, which I decided on the very day itself. Plane ticket, accommodation and all. It was the first time I did something so crazy, and while it was all kinda impromptu, I had a grand reason as to why it had to be on that particular date and that particular flight. I think I didn't sleep that night because I stayed up all night just preparing, and packing, and praying to God that everything will go according to plan. 

There were many hiccups along the way, to be honest, like I made it to the airport when the check-in counter were already closed and there were no empty seats when I checked, but the staff were such sweethearts and I made it for the flight thanks to them, with one of the last seats left. My adrenaline was running high, and I was so nervous but it became so surreal to me that I'm really going to Bali when I was making my way to the gate. I remember thinking, "I can't believe I'm doing this" but I'm so glad I did. 




Have you ever been in a situation where you know you want to do something special for someone but you don't know if it's something plausible? You know it's a little crazy to attempt, and realistically, you shouldn't, but something inside you just keeps telling you, "just do it, and regret later." 

I knew I wanted to surprise someone on that flight to Bali, so what I had in my carry-on bag were everything that I've prepared that were meant for that particular someone. And as much as my rational brain tells me no, a whole other side of me believes that it will be okay at the end of the day. I sacrificed sleep and my sanity that night just to make it for this flight, hence the eye bags. 

Alhamdulillah, the surprise was worthwhile at the end of the day. The most amazing thing was, it was intended to be a surprise but somehow I was the one who was surprised instead because I was presented a little Panda to keep me company throughout my trip. 

"How did you know I was going to be on your flight?"

"I just had a feeling you might be. And I'm glad you were, because I brought Cik Panda with me. Otherwise, I will have to lug this big Panda back home, haha." 

I arrived in Bali without my checked-in luggage because it didn't make it onboard with me, for some reason. The staff at the baggage counter told me that it will arrive in the next flight, and they will have it sent to my villa the next day. I understood that these things happen, just that everything I needed was in my checked-in bag. It's a little unfortunate, but it wasn't anyone's fault so I just counted my blessings and were happy that at least I arrived here safely and all important documents, money and credit cards are on my person. I still can survive with what I have. So I wasn't too worried.

By the time I made it to the villa, I forgot everything that I was feeling at that point. I was just so happy to be breathing a different air, and it's a choice that I made for myself. I will never forget the hospitable service I've received from the staff in this villa, they have made the experience extra special. I'm so thankful for them, and were so well taken care of during the duration of the days I was there. 

The villa is called Jumana Bali Ungasan Resort. I know I could've booked a cheaper villa via AirBnb but I insisted on this, because it checked everything that I had in mind- An ocean view, a private pool, a jacuzzi, a bath tub, away from the city and close to a beach. I wanted it to be like waking up to paradise, and it was nothing short of that. It was breathtaking, in every sense of the word.






This was the first meal I had in Bali upon arrival. I was starving, and tired from the flight so I just decided to order room service since it's a little late to travel on my own and the villa was a little out of the way. I just wanted to settle down with a nice meal, and watch some tv before it's time to call it a day and rest for the night. 

Of course I ordered Nasi Goreng, and it was great! The service staff asked me where I'd like to have my meal and I said, "Here, right in front of the tv" even though there was a proper dining table. Haha. And he gladly laid out my meal right there. We had a little chat, and he was so nice and courteous. 



Woke up to this view the next day, with Cik Panda. The morning breeze was otherworldly, and I took the opportunity to open the connecting door to the private pool to breathe a little fresh air. It's the calmest I've felt in a long time.







I called the hotel that morning to make reservations for dinner that evening, because the Jumana restaurant has quite a reputation when I was searching for a nice place to dine, according to Google. I was quite surprised because it's situated right where I was staying so I had to give it a try. 

To my surprise, it truly was the most beautiful place to enjoy a nice sunset BBQ dinner. I was so pleasantly surprised by the amazing view of Melasti Beach and how windy it was, which absolutely enhances the whole vacation vibes. 

The best thing was that, the food did not disappoint and the service rendered was once again so pleasant, and I will never forget how thankful I am for that joyful lady who were so attentive throughout the whole evening. It truly was one of the best meals I've had in my life, the view was everything.

heureux trente-cinquième.




The next day was all about exploring Canggu. This is my second time in Bali, but there's a lot of things I haven't done before so exploring Canggu was new to me. It was about 45 minutes away from Ungasan, Uluwatu area and traffic made the journey a lot longer than it was supposed to be. All is fine after a bit of lunch, which was at Warung Bumi, which is such a great place to start the day with good Balinese food. 



I was excited to see what Love Anchor was all about, and wanted to find nice, cheap souvenirs there but it's honestly just an overhyped hipster market. It's still a pretty place to look at, though there isn't much to find. Still, it was something to check off the list of things to do in Bali so I was glad to be there in person to check out what it's all about.



There was a beach in the vicinity, just a walking distance away from Love Anchor market, and that was the next destination. The beach was called Batu Bolong Beach in Canggu. To me, it was the highlight of the day because I particularly enjoyed the live band, they played amazing songs and sounded great as well. Time seemed to fly by so quickly and soon, the sun was setting. 



The sunset was incredible. I live for moments like these. It makes me feel so thankful to be alive. I think sunsets are one of my favourite things in the world. And I love the sunsets in Bali, it's on another level. 

Alhamdulillah for beautiful moments like this.


Hello buddy.


Bali has a lot of wonderful cafes all around, and Kynd Community was one of the places that I knew I definitely had to check out. I'm absolutely in love with how pink the whole aesthetics were and their acai bowls were famous so I had to try it out. 






I can see why it's hyped up, everything about this cafe is so aesthetically pleasing. The acai bowl wasn't just pretty to look at, it tasted amazing as well. I added an extra peanut butter topping because I love my acai bowls with a touch of peanut butter. I must say that their milkshares are an honourable mention too, so good! 


Day 4 of Bali was more about taking it slow, and finally going for a massage. I've seen this place on Tiktok and had a hard time finding the exact location because that Tiktoker absolutely wanted to gatekeep this place. I even went to the extent of DM-ing him on Instagram, but was ignored, of course. Haha. After doing a little bit of research myself, I managed to find the location. 

This place is called Senses Spa, and it's located in La Joya Resort. 

It has that Oneeighty Day Club feels, which is also a trending location in Bali. It's definitely in one of my must go-to places the next time I come back here. 

I was so in awe of the idea of getting a massage, with the sound of the sea breeze and feeling the wind on my skin. So I messaged the spa when I arrived in Bali, and asked if they had a slot during the time I was here. Thankfully, they did! They also sent me the price list of the services they had, and honestly, their prices were worthwhile and very reasonable for the kind of quality they offer.

And again, THAT view.










This is how the massage room looks like. It's in these little huts, and you get to enjoy the sea breeze while getting your body massaged by these polite Balinese masseurs. (Please always remember to tip generously, they honestly deserve it for the kind of service rendered.) My masseur was so sweet, I've been struggling with eczema on my legs lately and she was kind enough to firstly, not judge my skin, and secondly, to offer some advice of what kind of food to eat, and what to avoid because her son has eczema too.






This is some really good iced latte from the poolside bar.



Found another quaint little warung for lunch that day, and I particularly enjoyed the fact that all these were less than SGD 10? And it was so filling and the portions were generous. I remember the smiles from the owner of the warung, and how she was multi-tasking between taking care of the shop, while taking care of her young children at the back too. 



Ending the day with another episode of sunset watching at Melasti Beach, which is the nearest beach to the villa I stayed in, but only managed to visit it on the second last day.



So happy that I secured a subload ticket on a full flight back to Singapore, even though I booked it at the very last minute. Bali has been fun. And I'm slowly learning how to be okay with travelling on my own, and doing things for the sake of my happiness and mental health. Although I probably wouldn't do something this impromptu anytime soon, I do want to have more trips whenever I can find the time. 

The sunsets, the views, and all the memories that I have that are only mine to keep and not to be shared, I want to remember all these forever. Bali has been good to my soul, and it was so special. And here's to many more days like these.

Love, 
Ashhy

Healing trip to Bali

October 10, 2022


Back in July, I had a block of annual leave. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, and where I wanted to go but I knew I wanted to be somewhere. All I had in mind was, "somewhere I could breathe".

Bali was the place of choice, which I decided on the very day itself. Plane ticket, accommodation and all. It was the first time I did something so crazy, and while it was all kinda impromptu, I had a grand reason as to why it had to be on that particular date and that particular flight. I think I didn't sleep that night because I stayed up all night just preparing, and packing, and praying to God that everything will go according to plan. 

There were many hiccups along the way, to be honest, like I made it to the airport when the check-in counter were already closed and there were no empty seats when I checked, but the staff were such sweethearts and I made it for the flight thanks to them, with one of the last seats left. My adrenaline was running high, and I was so nervous but it became so surreal to me that I'm really going to Bali when I was making my way to the gate. I remember thinking, "I can't believe I'm doing this" but I'm so glad I did. 




Have you ever been in a situation where you know you want to do something special for someone but you don't know if it's something plausible? You know it's a little crazy to attempt, and realistically, you shouldn't, but something inside you just keeps telling you, "just do it, and regret later." 

I knew I wanted to surprise someone on that flight to Bali, so what I had in my carry-on bag were everything that I've prepared that were meant for that particular someone. And as much as my rational brain tells me no, a whole other side of me believes that it will be okay at the end of the day. I sacrificed sleep and my sanity that night just to make it for this flight, hence the eye bags. 

Alhamdulillah, the surprise was worthwhile at the end of the day. The most amazing thing was, it was intended to be a surprise but somehow I was the one who was surprised instead because I was presented a little Panda to keep me company throughout my trip. 

"How did you know I was going to be on your flight?"

"I just had a feeling you might be. And I'm glad you were, because I brought Cik Panda with me. Otherwise, I will have to lug this big Panda back home, haha." 

I arrived in Bali without my checked-in luggage because it didn't make it onboard with me, for some reason. The staff at the baggage counter told me that it will arrive in the next flight, and they will have it sent to my villa the next day. I understood that these things happen, just that everything I needed was in my checked-in bag. It's a little unfortunate, but it wasn't anyone's fault so I just counted my blessings and were happy that at least I arrived here safely and all important documents, money and credit cards are on my person. I still can survive with what I have. So I wasn't too worried.

By the time I made it to the villa, I forgot everything that I was feeling at that point. I was just so happy to be breathing a different air, and it's a choice that I made for myself. I will never forget the hospitable service I've received from the staff in this villa, they have made the experience extra special. I'm so thankful for them, and were so well taken care of during the duration of the days I was there. 

The villa is called Jumana Bali Ungasan Resort. I know I could've booked a cheaper villa via AirBnb but I insisted on this, because it checked everything that I had in mind- An ocean view, a private pool, a jacuzzi, a bath tub, away from the city and close to a beach. I wanted it to be like waking up to paradise, and it was nothing short of that. It was breathtaking, in every sense of the word.






This was the first meal I had in Bali upon arrival. I was starving, and tired from the flight so I just decided to order room service since it's a little late to travel on my own and the villa was a little out of the way. I just wanted to settle down with a nice meal, and watch some tv before it's time to call it a day and rest for the night. 

Of course I ordered Nasi Goreng, and it was great! The service staff asked me where I'd like to have my meal and I said, "Here, right in front of the tv" even though there was a proper dining table. Haha. And he gladly laid out my meal right there. We had a little chat, and he was so nice and courteous. 



Woke up to this view the next day, with Cik Panda. The morning breeze was otherworldly, and I took the opportunity to open the connecting door to the private pool to breathe a little fresh air. It's the calmest I've felt in a long time.







I called the hotel that morning to make reservations for dinner that evening, because the Jumana restaurant has quite a reputation when I was searching for a nice place to dine, according to Google. I was quite surprised because it's situated right where I was staying so I had to give it a try. 

To my surprise, it truly was the most beautiful place to enjoy a nice sunset BBQ dinner. I was so pleasantly surprised by the amazing view of Melasti Beach and how windy it was, which absolutely enhances the whole vacation vibes. 

The best thing was that, the food did not disappoint and the service rendered was once again so pleasant, and I will never forget how thankful I am for that joyful lady who were so attentive throughout the whole evening. It truly was one of the best meals I've had in my life, the view was everything.

heureux trente-cinquième.




The next day was all about exploring Canggu. This is my second time in Bali, but there's a lot of things I haven't done before so exploring Canggu was new to me. It was about 45 minutes away from Ungasan, Uluwatu area and traffic made the journey a lot longer than it was supposed to be. All is fine after a bit of lunch, which was at Warung Bumi, which is such a great place to start the day with good Balinese food. 



I was excited to see what Love Anchor was all about, and wanted to find nice, cheap souvenirs there but it's honestly just an overhyped hipster market. It's still a pretty place to look at, though there isn't much to find. Still, it was something to check off the list of things to do in Bali so I was glad to be there in person to check out what it's all about.



There was a beach in the vicinity, just a walking distance away from Love Anchor market, and that was the next destination. The beach was called Batu Bolong Beach in Canggu. To me, it was the highlight of the day because I particularly enjoyed the live band, they played amazing songs and sounded great as well. Time seemed to fly by so quickly and soon, the sun was setting. 



The sunset was incredible. I live for moments like these. It makes me feel so thankful to be alive. I think sunsets are one of my favourite things in the world. And I love the sunsets in Bali, it's on another level. 

Alhamdulillah for beautiful moments like this.


Hello buddy.


Bali has a lot of wonderful cafes all around, and Kynd Community was one of the places that I knew I definitely had to check out. I'm absolutely in love with how pink the whole aesthetics were and their acai bowls were famous so I had to try it out. 






I can see why it's hyped up, everything about this cafe is so aesthetically pleasing. The acai bowl wasn't just pretty to look at, it tasted amazing as well. I added an extra peanut butter topping because I love my acai bowls with a touch of peanut butter. I must say that their milkshares are an honourable mention too, so good! 


Day 4 of Bali was more about taking it slow, and finally going for a massage. I've seen this place on Tiktok and had a hard time finding the exact location because that Tiktoker absolutely wanted to gatekeep this place. I even went to the extent of DM-ing him on Instagram, but was ignored, of course. Haha. After doing a little bit of research myself, I managed to find the location. 

This place is called Senses Spa, and it's located in La Joya Resort. 

It has that Oneeighty Day Club feels, which is also a trending location in Bali. It's definitely in one of my must go-to places the next time I come back here. 

I was so in awe of the idea of getting a massage, with the sound of the sea breeze and feeling the wind on my skin. So I messaged the spa when I arrived in Bali, and asked if they had a slot during the time I was here. Thankfully, they did! They also sent me the price list of the services they had, and honestly, their prices were worthwhile and very reasonable for the kind of quality they offer.

And again, THAT view.










This is how the massage room looks like. It's in these little huts, and you get to enjoy the sea breeze while getting your body massaged by these polite Balinese masseurs. (Please always remember to tip generously, they honestly deserve it for the kind of service rendered.) My masseur was so sweet, I've been struggling with eczema on my legs lately and she was kind enough to firstly, not judge my skin, and secondly, to offer some advice of what kind of food to eat, and what to avoid because her son has eczema too.






This is some really good iced latte from the poolside bar.



Found another quaint little warung for lunch that day, and I particularly enjoyed the fact that all these were less than SGD 10? And it was so filling and the portions were generous. I remember the smiles from the owner of the warung, and how she was multi-tasking between taking care of the shop, while taking care of her young children at the back too. 



Ending the day with another episode of sunset watching at Melasti Beach, which is the nearest beach to the villa I stayed in, but only managed to visit it on the second last day.



So happy that I secured a subload ticket on a full flight back to Singapore, even though I booked it at the very last minute. Bali has been fun. And I'm slowly learning how to be okay with travelling on my own, and doing things for the sake of my happiness and mental health. Although I probably wouldn't do something this impromptu anytime soon, I do want to have more trips whenever I can find the time. 

The sunsets, the views, and all the memories that I have that are only mine to keep and not to be shared, I want to remember all these forever. Bali has been good to my soul, and it was so special. And here's to many more days like these.

Love, 
Ashhy
more
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)
—π’œ.
Theme by STS.