Paris will always have my heart. 

In many ways, it holds some of my most precious memories. I remember, when I was a trainee to become a flight attendant, what I looked forward to the most is to finally see the Eiffel Tower in real life, sipping a cup of hot chocolate and eating a croissant. That simple idea became my motivation. Since then, I've done multiple Paris flights and even chose it as a holiday destination once because I've always had a romanticised view of Paris, and I think I always will.

A decade has passed, and now I get to be in Paris every month. Still, I find myself excited, eager to explore new corners and revisit the places I've come to love. I'm just that kind of girl. When I fall in love with something, I keep coming back. Not just because it's familiar but because of the memories it hold. 

I love the feeling of nostalgia a place can give me, how it lets me reflect on who I was when I first came, and see how much I've grown since. What has changed, and what has stayed the same. It's a blessing to still be able to travel so freely, I will continue to be thankful for that until it's time I leave for good.




I knew I wanted to go back to Pink Mamma one day, ever since the first time I had it. I had the best truffle pasta I've ever had, and knew that this place will be my go-to every time I'm there. However, I hadn't had the chance to go to Paris for six years. The pandemic came and went and Paris had been nothing but a distant memory. So I was excited to go back. Pink Mamma doesn't take reservations for one, so I walked in and hoped for the best. Thankfully didn't had to wait too long for a seat. It was by the bar, I was in the furthermost corner and I liked that. It felt like a quiet little space just for me.

I ordered the truffle pasta that I've missed, along with a mocktail the server recommended. It was amazing, tasted exactly how I remembered. Being there, brought back a flood of memories. Good ones, though slightly tainted by the past. Still, I was grateful. Grateful for the chance to return, to reclaim the moment, and to create something new on my own this time.

These days, I really cherish my alone time. There's something grounding about planning a day just for myself, no compromises, no one else's preferences to consider. I create little itineraries filled with things that bring me quiet joy like a place I've been wanting to revisit, a coffee I've been craving, a walk without a destination. It's become a way of reconnecting with who I am right now, outside my roles, routines and relationships. And somehow, in the stillness of these moments, I feel the most at peace. It's like I'm finally coming home to myself. 













The next destination was Palais Garnier, the opera house that holds the memories of my very first Paris flight. I remember being the only junior on that trip, and every one else had already been to Paris before. The seniors wanted to start the layover by drinking, while I was looking forward to exploring the city. 

Back then, I wasn't the most confident navigating unfamiliar cities alone (and at that time, I didn't have overseas mobile data) but what I did have was a strong sense of will. I had already set my heart on seeing Palais Garnier, no matter what. So I screenshot the directions and train stops, took a deep breath, and went on an adventure.

I was in awe. It was the most beautiful opera house I've ever seen. I couldn't believe that I was finally there, soaking in the grandeur I had only seen in pictures. It felt surreal. Being here again, reminded me of the 21 year old me, seeing the world for the first time. She was afraid, but brave enough to chase the moments she longed for. That quiet strength carried me through so many places. It shaped me. And I'm still thankful for her. 

I wanted to return here not just to see it again, but to feel what I felt then. To reconnect with that spark, that sense of wonder. I stayed till closing, was one of the last few to leave, savouring every second of a memory that still means everything to me.




The next in my itinerary was to go a popular bookstore called Shakespeare and Company. I think I just like the idea of going to old bookstores, it has such character which feels like a form of art on its own. The first thing I noticed was this man, sitting right outside the bookstore, playing chess with random people. He wins every time. I think it's such a sight to see, and it's very heartwarming to see people coming by to take up the challenge, and also to watch them play.

The bookstore itself is so charming in every sense, it's a tight space but full of personality. The second level is the reading room, where you have a comfortable space to read. It's also filled with old books that were not for sale, and you may pick up anything to like and read for as long as you want. I think it's charming. 

I picked up a book from the bookstore. Since I was in Paris, I wanted to buy The Little Prince in French. And so I did. My very first French book is Le Petit Prince, a famous children's book. 




My last stop for the day was to La Grande Epicerie de Paris, with one goal in mind and that is to purchase a lot of French butter. I only had 5% of battery left on my phone, with no portable charger and I needed my phone for both navigation and to take the public transport. Still, I went. And had no regrets. 

I've never been to a supermarket this grand, it feels like it's on another level. All I wanted to get was butter but I left with more than that. It was an experience, for sure.

The sun sets at about 10pm since it's summer now, and I felt like I really made the most out of my day. The weather was unforgiving, but it had been a fulfilling day. The day had given me every thing I needed, memories revisited, courage remembered, and new moments created just for me. It reminded me why Paris will always have my heart. Not just for its beauty, but for who I've been here, and who I continue to be each time I return.

Jusqu'a la prochaine fois, Paris.

Love,
Ashhy

Paris aura toujours mon cœur

June 26, 2025


Paris will always have my heart. 

In many ways, it holds some of my most precious memories. I remember, when I was a trainee to become a flight attendant, what I looked forward to the most is to finally see the Eiffel Tower in real life, sipping a cup of hot chocolate and eating a croissant. That simple idea became my motivation. Since then, I've done multiple Paris flights and even chose it as a holiday destination once because I've always had a romanticised view of Paris, and I think I always will.

A decade has passed, and now I get to be in Paris every month. Still, I find myself excited, eager to explore new corners and revisit the places I've come to love. I'm just that kind of girl. When I fall in love with something, I keep coming back. Not just because it's familiar but because of the memories it hold. 

I love the feeling of nostalgia a place can give me, how it lets me reflect on who I was when I first came, and see how much I've grown since. What has changed, and what has stayed the same. It's a blessing to still be able to travel so freely, I will continue to be thankful for that until it's time I leave for good.




I knew I wanted to go back to Pink Mamma one day, ever since the first time I had it. I had the best truffle pasta I've ever had, and knew that this place will be my go-to every time I'm there. However, I hadn't had the chance to go to Paris for six years. The pandemic came and went and Paris had been nothing but a distant memory. So I was excited to go back. Pink Mamma doesn't take reservations for one, so I walked in and hoped for the best. Thankfully didn't had to wait too long for a seat. It was by the bar, I was in the furthermost corner and I liked that. It felt like a quiet little space just for me.

I ordered the truffle pasta that I've missed, along with a mocktail the server recommended. It was amazing, tasted exactly how I remembered. Being there, brought back a flood of memories. Good ones, though slightly tainted by the past. Still, I was grateful. Grateful for the chance to return, to reclaim the moment, and to create something new on my own this time.

These days, I really cherish my alone time. There's something grounding about planning a day just for myself, no compromises, no one else's preferences to consider. I create little itineraries filled with things that bring me quiet joy like a place I've been wanting to revisit, a coffee I've been craving, a walk without a destination. It's become a way of reconnecting with who I am right now, outside my roles, routines and relationships. And somehow, in the stillness of these moments, I feel the most at peace. It's like I'm finally coming home to myself. 













The next destination was Palais Garnier, the opera house that holds the memories of my very first Paris flight. I remember being the only junior on that trip, and every one else had already been to Paris before. The seniors wanted to start the layover by drinking, while I was looking forward to exploring the city. 

Back then, I wasn't the most confident navigating unfamiliar cities alone (and at that time, I didn't have overseas mobile data) but what I did have was a strong sense of will. I had already set my heart on seeing Palais Garnier, no matter what. So I screenshot the directions and train stops, took a deep breath, and went on an adventure.

I was in awe. It was the most beautiful opera house I've ever seen. I couldn't believe that I was finally there, soaking in the grandeur I had only seen in pictures. It felt surreal. Being here again, reminded me of the 21 year old me, seeing the world for the first time. She was afraid, but brave enough to chase the moments she longed for. That quiet strength carried me through so many places. It shaped me. And I'm still thankful for her. 

I wanted to return here not just to see it again, but to feel what I felt then. To reconnect with that spark, that sense of wonder. I stayed till closing, was one of the last few to leave, savouring every second of a memory that still means everything to me.




The next in my itinerary was to go a popular bookstore called Shakespeare and Company. I think I just like the idea of going to old bookstores, it has such character which feels like a form of art on its own. The first thing I noticed was this man, sitting right outside the bookstore, playing chess with random people. He wins every time. I think it's such a sight to see, and it's very heartwarming to see people coming by to take up the challenge, and also to watch them play.

The bookstore itself is so charming in every sense, it's a tight space but full of personality. The second level is the reading room, where you have a comfortable space to read. It's also filled with old books that were not for sale, and you may pick up anything to like and read for as long as you want. I think it's charming. 

I picked up a book from the bookstore. Since I was in Paris, I wanted to buy The Little Prince in French. And so I did. My very first French book is Le Petit Prince, a famous children's book. 




My last stop for the day was to La Grande Epicerie de Paris, with one goal in mind and that is to purchase a lot of French butter. I only had 5% of battery left on my phone, with no portable charger and I needed my phone for both navigation and to take the public transport. Still, I went. And had no regrets. 

I've never been to a supermarket this grand, it feels like it's on another level. All I wanted to get was butter but I left with more than that. It was an experience, for sure.

The sun sets at about 10pm since it's summer now, and I felt like I really made the most out of my day. The weather was unforgiving, but it had been a fulfilling day. The day had given me every thing I needed, memories revisited, courage remembered, and new moments created just for me. It reminded me why Paris will always have my heart. Not just for its beauty, but for who I've been here, and who I continue to be each time I return.

Jusqu'a la prochaine fois, Paris.

Love,
Ashhy
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Dear skies,

These days feel a little heavy on my soul. 

I always find myself back here whenever I'm feeling some sort of way. It's not that I'm sad, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. But sometimes, stronger emotions take over control and I find myself being clouded by grey skies that I try my hardest to ignore most times. 

There's a part of me that knows there's a significant end that's coming to a chapter that's been a part of my life for a while now. It's a period of transition in my life where I don't quite feel like the old me anymore, and I know that every decision I make right now will lead to where life will take me in the future. There's a whole lot of uncertainty, but these days, there seemed a be a sort of clarity and finality by the voices in my head, telling me, "it's almost time, you should let go now".

You, skies, have heard my quietest prayers, the long and endless wishing to be back home whenever I'm so far away.  The clouds have seen my deepest sorrows, even when it's being masked by performative smiles. I've been longing, longing to be home and no where else. Just home. 

For years, I've waited for a reason to stay grounded. To keep my feet planted on the ground and allow myself to fully belong somewhere. I never wanted to admit it, but the truth is, the parts of my life spent away from the skies have been the moments I felt most like myself- the version of me that burned with dreams, energy, and fire. The version I thought the skies would help me find. And they did, for a while. Until they didn't.

I no longer feel the pull to go further, higher or faster. The skies have already carried me farther than I ever imagined. I've touched places I've never dreamed of. I've lived out of a suitcase and seen the sun set in languages I don't speak. But now, I feel a quiet shift within me. A knowing. There is a life for me away from the skies. And I think it might shine even brighter. 

But skies, I want to thank you, for holding me when I didn't realise I needed to be held. For teaching me how small I am in the vastness of it all, and how full of wonder I can still be. For reminding me, every time I rose above the clouds, that even the darkest of days can look beautiful from the right altitude.

I don't resent you for the way that I've changed. I think I've just outgrown the version of me that needed you to feel free. Maybe that's what growth looks like- not climbing higher, but finally coming down.

So if this is goodbye, let it be a soft one. No turbulence. No chaos. Just a quiet landing. 

One last descent, into myself. Into home. 
Into whatever comes next.

Love,
Ashhy




A letter to the skies ✈︎

June 7, 2025



Dear skies,

These days feel a little heavy on my soul. 

I always find myself back here whenever I'm feeling some sort of way. It's not that I'm sad, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. But sometimes, stronger emotions take over control and I find myself being clouded by grey skies that I try my hardest to ignore most times. 

There's a part of me that knows there's a significant end that's coming to a chapter that's been a part of my life for a while now. It's a period of transition in my life where I don't quite feel like the old me anymore, and I know that every decision I make right now will lead to where life will take me in the future. There's a whole lot of uncertainty, but these days, there seemed a be a sort of clarity and finality by the voices in my head, telling me, "it's almost time, you should let go now".

You, skies, have heard my quietest prayers, the long and endless wishing to be back home whenever I'm so far away.  The clouds have seen my deepest sorrows, even when it's being masked by performative smiles. I've been longing, longing to be home and no where else. Just home. 

For years, I've waited for a reason to stay grounded. To keep my feet planted on the ground and allow myself to fully belong somewhere. I never wanted to admit it, but the truth is, the parts of my life spent away from the skies have been the moments I felt most like myself- the version of me that burned with dreams, energy, and fire. The version I thought the skies would help me find. And they did, for a while. Until they didn't.

I no longer feel the pull to go further, higher or faster. The skies have already carried me farther than I ever imagined. I've touched places I've never dreamed of. I've lived out of a suitcase and seen the sun set in languages I don't speak. But now, I feel a quiet shift within me. A knowing. There is a life for me away from the skies. And I think it might shine even brighter. 

But skies, I want to thank you, for holding me when I didn't realise I needed to be held. For teaching me how small I am in the vastness of it all, and how full of wonder I can still be. For reminding me, every time I rose above the clouds, that even the darkest of days can look beautiful from the right altitude.

I don't resent you for the way that I've changed. I think I've just outgrown the version of me that needed you to feel free. Maybe that's what growth looks like- not climbing higher, but finally coming down.

So if this is goodbye, let it be a soft one. No turbulence. No chaos. Just a quiet landing. 

One last descent, into myself. Into home. 
Into whatever comes next.

Love,
Ashhy




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This space I hold so dearly, thank you for being my safe space. 

Today, I wasn't in the best mood. I was frustrated with myself because I had a decision to make, and chose to do the right thing but it backfired. I wondered how different would things be if I had just chosen the choice that benefited me the most instead of trying to do right by me, my values and morals. It made me realise how unfair things can be, and there will be times when nothing really goes your way. And doing the right thing, may not be the best for you after all. 

However, it was my conscience that led me to make the decision I made. I couldn't see myself not doing the right thing, even if it meant that I might lose something because of that decision. I weighed my options, and still decided on taking the high road. I guess, in some ways, I should be proud of myself but sadly, it actually ruined my entire mood and I dealt with it by taking a three-hour nap. Classic. This is how I deal with difficult emotions sometimes. It's how I take care of myself when I feel like I'm spiralling down. 

Truthfully, I'm still bothered by it. However, things have happened the way it did and there's nothing much I could do to turn things around. I'm trying to let the feeling pass, I gave myself some time. As compared to how I felt hours ago, I think I'm doing much better now. 

What turned my entire day around was when a friend of mine who I was sharing my grievances to, surprised me with an order of açai bowl delivered right to my doorstep. "I just wanted to cheer you up," she said. That simple act of kindness, really did turn my whole day around. To know that you are loved, cared for and heard meant a lot more than so many things in this life. Thank you.

And not to get spiritual, but sometimes I think God works in mysterious ways like these. I really didn't know why I was so affected the whole day that nothing could make me feel better, and then this happened, and it really did make me smile. It made me feel like my problems are so insignificant, so little. I can't explain it. I just feel a shift in my energy, and knew that things are going to be okay and it's time for me to move forward and get over how I was feeling. 

And that led me here. 

To be honest, there are so many things I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about taking my parents to Switzerland at the start of the year, where they got to see snow fall for the very first time. I wanted to write about how I challenged myself, took up a new role at work and started learning a new language. French — A language I've always wanted to learn. I wanted to write about how I just hit a milestone, hitting my 10-year mark in the airline. A whole decade of flying, and probably the longest relationship I've ever had. 

I wanted to write about all these stuff, and I guess one day I will. Somehow, what I'll end up writing about would always be tied to how I'm feeling currently, it will always end up sounding rather sentimental. Maybe because deep down I feel that life isn't always about the productivity or achievements. Sometimes, it's about holding yourself in difficult moments and reminding yourself that it will pass — and it did. 

Some days, surviving the feeling is enough.

Love,
Ashhy

"It'll come – and then, it'll pass"

May 15, 2025


This space I hold so dearly, thank you for being my safe space. 

Today, I wasn't in the best mood. I was frustrated with myself because I had a decision to make, and chose to do the right thing but it backfired. I wondered how different would things be if I had just chosen the choice that benefited me the most instead of trying to do right by me, my values and morals. It made me realise how unfair things can be, and there will be times when nothing really goes your way. And doing the right thing, may not be the best for you after all. 

However, it was my conscience that led me to make the decision I made. I couldn't see myself not doing the right thing, even if it meant that I might lose something because of that decision. I weighed my options, and still decided on taking the high road. I guess, in some ways, I should be proud of myself but sadly, it actually ruined my entire mood and I dealt with it by taking a three-hour nap. Classic. This is how I deal with difficult emotions sometimes. It's how I take care of myself when I feel like I'm spiralling down. 

Truthfully, I'm still bothered by it. However, things have happened the way it did and there's nothing much I could do to turn things around. I'm trying to let the feeling pass, I gave myself some time. As compared to how I felt hours ago, I think I'm doing much better now. 

What turned my entire day around was when a friend of mine who I was sharing my grievances to, surprised me with an order of açai bowl delivered right to my doorstep. "I just wanted to cheer you up," she said. That simple act of kindness, really did turn my whole day around. To know that you are loved, cared for and heard meant a lot more than so many things in this life. Thank you.

And not to get spiritual, but sometimes I think God works in mysterious ways like these. I really didn't know why I was so affected the whole day that nothing could make me feel better, and then this happened, and it really did make me smile. It made me feel like my problems are so insignificant, so little. I can't explain it. I just feel a shift in my energy, and knew that things are going to be okay and it's time for me to move forward and get over how I was feeling. 

And that led me here. 

To be honest, there are so many things I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about taking my parents to Switzerland at the start of the year, where they got to see snow fall for the very first time. I wanted to write about how I challenged myself, took up a new role at work and started learning a new language. French — A language I've always wanted to learn. I wanted to write about how I just hit a milestone, hitting my 10-year mark in the airline. A whole decade of flying, and probably the longest relationship I've ever had. 

I wanted to write about all these stuff, and I guess one day I will. Somehow, what I'll end up writing about would always be tied to how I'm feeling currently, it will always end up sounding rather sentimental. Maybe because deep down I feel that life isn't always about the productivity or achievements. Sometimes, it's about holding yourself in difficult moments and reminding yourself that it will pass — and it did. 

Some days, surviving the feeling is enough.

Love,
Ashhy
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This year came and went in full swing, it felt eventful even in its moments of stagnancy. I find it difficult to believe that it's already May, and we're so close to the second half of the year already. I haven't quite processed everything that happened at the start of the year till now, it all went by so quickly but I'm grateful, so grateful for everything that had happened this year.


I think it's always good to start a post with a little gratitude because honestly life isn't the easiest, but it's the fact that we wake up every day and kept going, that makes it all so worthwhile. 

I haven't touched my laptop in months, haven't been doing any form of writing or journalling at all. I forgot how therapeutic it is to let my thoughts flow, it makes my heart a little lighter. Sometimes, I would feel inspired for a quick second, there would be a couple of topics I told myself that I'd love to write about on my blog, and then I forgot about it. I guess that could be why my last post was in last August. 

Nevertheless, it's always nice to come back to this space. 

I've documented a lot of my thoughts, feeling and emotions in this space without realising how much I've grown in the process, over the years. What used to hurt me, has now become so small and minuscule. What used to wrap around my head so much has changed into questions like, "what can I do to ensure that I can be happy with myself?" and "how do I protect myself better whenever I feel like my emotions are getting out of hand?"

And every decision I make, is solely because I choose to stay away from negative energy that doesn't serve me anymore. I want to be free from those emotions that used to drag me down. There are things that I can control, and many that I can't. 

Of course, I'm not perfect. There are days when I give in to my feelings of self-doubt, to my curiosity and there are days where I don't feel like I can one hundred per cent be true to the words that I keep telling myself. There are days where I give in to the voices that aren't good for me, but here I am, still trying, still wanting so much better for myself. 

As I sit here, listening to the new vinyl from my love, soaking in all the calm vibes that I could get from my single day of rest before resuming the daily grind again tomorrow morning, I find myself feeling absolutely thankful for everything that I have in this life. 

How beautiful a gift that was, such a pleasant surprise. What made it prettier is how we listened to the whole album on repeat while we're chilling and enjoying each other's company, and he went, "It feels different, doesn't it, listening to a record on a vinyl player instead of Spotify." Yes my love, it does. The simplest things always bring forth the most beautiful effects. 

'Be kind to yourself.' 

An advice I keep telling myself over the years. I celebrate every small win because every step into growth that I could take, is something worth celebrating and living for. To know that I'm not the same person that I was yesterday, to know that I'm learning to be a better person with every single day that passed. Every lesson in this life brings growth and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.

Love, 
Ashhy



Vinyl days, quiet ways

May 9, 2025


This year came and went in full swing, it felt eventful even in its moments of stagnancy. I find it difficult to believe that it's already May, and we're so close to the second half of the year already. I haven't quite processed everything that happened at the start of the year till now, it all went by so quickly but I'm grateful, so grateful for everything that had happened this year.


I think it's always good to start a post with a little gratitude because honestly life isn't the easiest, but it's the fact that we wake up every day and kept going, that makes it all so worthwhile. 

I haven't touched my laptop in months, haven't been doing any form of writing or journalling at all. I forgot how therapeutic it is to let my thoughts flow, it makes my heart a little lighter. Sometimes, I would feel inspired for a quick second, there would be a couple of topics I told myself that I'd love to write about on my blog, and then I forgot about it. I guess that could be why my last post was in last August. 

Nevertheless, it's always nice to come back to this space. 

I've documented a lot of my thoughts, feeling and emotions in this space without realising how much I've grown in the process, over the years. What used to hurt me, has now become so small and minuscule. What used to wrap around my head so much has changed into questions like, "what can I do to ensure that I can be happy with myself?" and "how do I protect myself better whenever I feel like my emotions are getting out of hand?"

And every decision I make, is solely because I choose to stay away from negative energy that doesn't serve me anymore. I want to be free from those emotions that used to drag me down. There are things that I can control, and many that I can't. 

Of course, I'm not perfect. There are days when I give in to my feelings of self-doubt, to my curiosity and there are days where I don't feel like I can one hundred per cent be true to the words that I keep telling myself. There are days where I give in to the voices that aren't good for me, but here I am, still trying, still wanting so much better for myself. 

As I sit here, listening to the new vinyl from my love, soaking in all the calm vibes that I could get from my single day of rest before resuming the daily grind again tomorrow morning, I find myself feeling absolutely thankful for everything that I have in this life. 

How beautiful a gift that was, such a pleasant surprise. What made it prettier is how we listened to the whole album on repeat while we're chilling and enjoying each other's company, and he went, "It feels different, doesn't it, listening to a record on a vinyl player instead of Spotify." Yes my love, it does. The simplest things always bring forth the most beautiful effects. 

'Be kind to yourself.' 

An advice I keep telling myself over the years. I celebrate every small win because every step into growth that I could take, is something worth celebrating and living for. To know that I'm not the same person that I was yesterday, to know that I'm learning to be a better person with every single day that passed. Every lesson in this life brings growth and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.

Love, 
Ashhy



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Hello everyone, August is already here and I had this Taylor Swift song stuck in my head for days hence the reference in the title.

I had this post in my drafts since late July, but had been really slow in completing it. Since I'm on standby duty today, and finally had a bit of time to spare this morning to focus on some writing, I made myself a nice little pot of peppermint tea with manuka honey and a glass of lemon water to get my groove on. I'm not usually like this, but this morning felt different, a good kind of different, so I decided that it's the day I will get this post done and dusted.

July has always been a special month to me. It's also a reminder that we're closer to the end of the year than we are from the start. It is indeed a time to do a lot more reflecting than a little. It is a month where you start to think about how close you are to all the goals you've set at the start of the year, all the hopes and expectations and how it aligns with the reality of the way things are at the moment. It really does make you think.

I've always been the kind of person who has my head above the clouds at all times, that sometimes I get so out of touch with reality. That's the essence of an INFP, I believe. I remember how hopeful I was for the year because it's a leap year and the year I turn 30, and I remain to be hopeful that good things will continue to happen this year.

I would say that this was the year I started saying yes to myself more often, taking trips for the sake of a mental break from reality whenever I had the chance to, and was in touch with my inner child, who doesn't want to miss out on any opportunities for relaxation of the mind, body and soul. This is the year I utilised my staff benefits a lot more than the past years I've been with the airline, really making the most out of it. 

This year, I wanted to spent more days living and creating moments for myself that doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful or unique to others, but they are to me and only me. 

I believe that everybody needs a reset button every once in a while, a break from life. At this age, I realised how much of a luxury it is to have time to yourself especially when you're free from other commitments. I don't see myself being this way for a long time, so I'm trying my best to treasure the time I have to myself, for as long as I can. 

The last week of July had been rather eventful for me. It's as if everything took a 180 degrees turn, all of a sudden. I’m thankful for it all. It also gave me the push to strive for my goals, even if it seems impossible at first. I don't want to stress myself thinking of the outcome. All I know is that what gives me the highest of highs is knowing that I've done myself proud because I did a good thing for myself. That's enough for me.

It’s already the start of August now, and I wanted to celebrate what the last seven months of the year had been for me, so I took myself out to catch a Californian sunset in Manhattan Beach, Los Angeles. It was honestly the best decision I’ve made before the end of July. 















I still remember how it felt like when the Uber driver dropped me off at the walkway, and I was greeted by the beautiful sky, preparing its descend as gracefully and elegantly as can be, slowly taking its time. I, then, took a nice stroll to the end of the pier to get an uninterrupted view of the magnificent sky. 

My little daydream was momentarily hijacked by a passer-by who decided to strike a conversation with me (and apparently, there was another girl who was alone, she was also harrassed by the same man so she came over to talk to me after). After a few of encounters like this with strangers, I've learned how not to offend a person by slowly excusing myself. I'd like to think that most people only have good intentions, but sometimes solo travellers are targeted for reasons that are not exactly innocent. 

I may not be the best person to give advice on this matter but I guess how I deal with such situation is to trust the energy (whether it's good or bad), be respectful yet firm,  and be absolutely wary of your surroundings at all times. It's best to leave the area as soon as you're able to if you sense that you're being followed.

I made my way from the pier to the beach, picked a quiet spot to sit and enjoy the rest of the sunset. All in all, I'm just really glad that I made time on my clear day for this, despite feeling so jetlagged and low on energy. It was something that my soul truly needed.










There's just something about a Californian sunset that hits differently.

I love the beach, the vibes, the sand, the sea, the view and the way the sky changes colour. It's the universe's gift to us, every day. A reminder that no matter what happens, the sun will rise and set again. And during those pivotal moments, there will always be something good to hold on to, no matter how fleeting they are. Live for the good momemts, and let the bad ones pass us by. Things will always be okay at the end of the day.

Hope is that one thing that keeps us going. The hope that tomorrow will be a better day than it is today. It keeps us moving forward even when life seems bleak. I'm still hopeful that I haven't lived my best moments in life yet, there's still a whole future out there for me to achieve what I've always wanted, to watch my dreams come into fruition. I'm still living for the hope of it all. 

I hope you will, too. 

Love, 
Ashhy

To live for the hope of it all,

August 10, 2024



Hello everyone, August is already here and I had this Taylor Swift song stuck in my head for days hence the reference in the title.

I had this post in my drafts since late July, but had been really slow in completing it. Since I'm on standby duty today, and finally had a bit of time to spare this morning to focus on some writing, I made myself a nice little pot of peppermint tea with manuka honey and a glass of lemon water to get my groove on. I'm not usually like this, but this morning felt different, a good kind of different, so I decided that it's the day I will get this post done and dusted.

July has always been a special month to me. It's also a reminder that we're closer to the end of the year than we are from the start. It is indeed a time to do a lot more reflecting than a little. It is a month where you start to think about how close you are to all the goals you've set at the start of the year, all the hopes and expectations and how it aligns with the reality of the way things are at the moment. It really does make you think.

I've always been the kind of person who has my head above the clouds at all times, that sometimes I get so out of touch with reality. That's the essence of an INFP, I believe. I remember how hopeful I was for the year because it's a leap year and the year I turn 30, and I remain to be hopeful that good things will continue to happen this year.

I would say that this was the year I started saying yes to myself more often, taking trips for the sake of a mental break from reality whenever I had the chance to, and was in touch with my inner child, who doesn't want to miss out on any opportunities for relaxation of the mind, body and soul. This is the year I utilised my staff benefits a lot more than the past years I've been with the airline, really making the most out of it. 

This year, I wanted to spent more days living and creating moments for myself that doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful or unique to others, but they are to me and only me. 

I believe that everybody needs a reset button every once in a while, a break from life. At this age, I realised how much of a luxury it is to have time to yourself especially when you're free from other commitments. I don't see myself being this way for a long time, so I'm trying my best to treasure the time I have to myself, for as long as I can. 

The last week of July had been rather eventful for me. It's as if everything took a 180 degrees turn, all of a sudden. I’m thankful for it all. It also gave me the push to strive for my goals, even if it seems impossible at first. I don't want to stress myself thinking of the outcome. All I know is that what gives me the highest of highs is knowing that I've done myself proud because I did a good thing for myself. That's enough for me.

It’s already the start of August now, and I wanted to celebrate what the last seven months of the year had been for me, so I took myself out to catch a Californian sunset in Manhattan Beach, Los Angeles. It was honestly the best decision I’ve made before the end of July. 















I still remember how it felt like when the Uber driver dropped me off at the walkway, and I was greeted by the beautiful sky, preparing its descend as gracefully and elegantly as can be, slowly taking its time. I, then, took a nice stroll to the end of the pier to get an uninterrupted view of the magnificent sky. 

My little daydream was momentarily hijacked by a passer-by who decided to strike a conversation with me (and apparently, there was another girl who was alone, she was also harrassed by the same man so she came over to talk to me after). After a few of encounters like this with strangers, I've learned how not to offend a person by slowly excusing myself. I'd like to think that most people only have good intentions, but sometimes solo travellers are targeted for reasons that are not exactly innocent. 

I may not be the best person to give advice on this matter but I guess how I deal with such situation is to trust the energy (whether it's good or bad), be respectful yet firm,  and be absolutely wary of your surroundings at all times. It's best to leave the area as soon as you're able to if you sense that you're being followed.

I made my way from the pier to the beach, picked a quiet spot to sit and enjoy the rest of the sunset. All in all, I'm just really glad that I made time on my clear day for this, despite feeling so jetlagged and low on energy. It was something that my soul truly needed.










There's just something about a Californian sunset that hits differently.

I love the beach, the vibes, the sand, the sea, the view and the way the sky changes colour. It's the universe's gift to us, every day. A reminder that no matter what happens, the sun will rise and set again. And during those pivotal moments, there will always be something good to hold on to, no matter how fleeting they are. Live for the good momemts, and let the bad ones pass us by. Things will always be okay at the end of the day.

Hope is that one thing that keeps us going. The hope that tomorrow will be a better day than it is today. It keeps us moving forward even when life seems bleak. I'm still hopeful that I haven't lived my best moments in life yet, there's still a whole future out there for me to achieve what I've always wanted, to watch my dreams come into fruition. I'm still living for the hope of it all. 

I hope you will, too. 

Love, 
Ashhy
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It's been a whole year since my last post. And I thought maybe writing might do me some good tonight. It wasn't intentional. I just have a lot in my mind. A lot of thoughts and self-reflection that I've been doing the past couple of days, making it a little crowded in my head and I thought maybe, just maybe, writing them into words might just help me a little with the whole process.

Before I get to that, I just want to show a little appreciation to those of you who are still here, who are still reading, still lurking, still wanting to get a little glimpse of my inner thoughts. The biggest compliment or flattery that I could ever receive is when people come up to me and tell me that they like what I write about in my blog, and they wondered why I stopped writing. Thank you, for coming up to me to tell me how my posts have helped you cope with your depression and mental state of mind. I know how isolating it can be to feel as though you're going through this alone, but you're not. You're truly not.

In fact, I understand how difficult it is to talk about mental health. It's also partly why I have been trying to keep a little quiet, not baring my soul as how I dared to before. It can be daunting, you see, being this open and vulnerable when you don't know if the people at the other side of the screen are good souls who are with you, or just lurkers waiting to see you fall. To be honest, my heart is beating out of my chest as I typed all these. It gives me a great amount of anxiety, but I know it's something I have to overcome. 

Why? You'd ask. I guess, it's because I believe that the other side of fear is a beautiful thing. At the end of the day, nobody else's opinion truly matter. I guess, it's because I've come to realise that not only does my openness and vulnerability help you as a reader, but it also helps me as a writer, to truly understand why I'm having these whirlwind of emotions and how exactly to put them into words so I can think about how to overcome them. I guess, this is how I truly heal. Even it takes a whole year for me to get here.

I guess, when I'm writing on this blog, I feel like I'm getting closer to the version of me that had been hidden away for so long. The girl who writes about her thoughts, feelings and is fearless about baring her soul. 

These days I've been thinking about how easily I get emotionally and socially drained that I almost always choose to be alone after a flight because I have to recharge my social battery, and recharge well. It's almost like if I were to go out with my set of crew after a flight, it means I must be comfortable enough with them to sacrifice my rest and alone time for more social activities post-work. That honestly doesn't happen a lot because I'm someone who craves a real connection and does rather badly at small talks because I'm so socially awkward, so I stay away from meaningless interactions as much as I can. 

I know it's a little odd, how someone could be this introverted and closed up, yet still be in a line of work that encourages you to be extroverted and pretty much a social butterfly, but we do exist in this line. And a lot of introverts actually do really well in this job, somehow. There are also a lot of people who are somehow in the middle of the spectrum where they are able to switch between their personalities to fit the role they're playing in their profession and personal life. I, however, belong in the category of introverts who are very close the furthest end of what you would think an introvert would be like. Top that up with a little bit of anxiety issues and healing through a series of mental health issues that I typically don't say out loud.

Living in that state of mind, can be exhausting. The noise is typically on the inside, and it's almost too loud for yourself to deal with. When my social battery runs out, it's like I'm screaming for relief in a sense of aloneness. It's when I finally get time to myself, that's when I could recharge and be at my happiest. The world moves too quickly, but when I'm alone, I feel like time slows down, it's peaceful and I can hear my thoughts a little better too. When I can finally listen to them, I'm more than able to give myself what I truly need and deserve. 

Not many has the privilege to truly see and get to know the real me. And I guess not many will. It takes a lot for me to open up to someone, and I consider it to be a rare honour to have a glimpse into the deepest part of my soul. All the good, bad and ugly. It takes a certain kind of strength in an individual to be able to handle that too. I don't trust easily, and it takes a lot for me truly let my guard down.

I have learned that the only safe place you have is the home you've made for yourself. 

And what I mean by this is that, you can care a ton about others, but you will always hurt if you expect them to care for you the same way. You can pour all your love into another, but don't ever leave nothing behind for yourself. It's not selfish to love yourself. It's not selfish to take care of yourself first before you take care of others. You have to show up for yourself first. 

Let your heart be your safe place. Let yourself be the number one priority of your life. That way, your expectations of others won't ever lead to disappointments. Because at the end of the day, you know you have yourself to fall back on. Let the home you've build inside you be the safest most comfortable space you have for yourself, because that's what you deserve. You have it in you to give yourself what you deserve. 

Always remember that.

Love,
Ashhy

The introverted state of mind

June 5, 2024


It's been a whole year since my last post. And I thought maybe writing might do me some good tonight. It wasn't intentional. I just have a lot in my mind. A lot of thoughts and self-reflection that I've been doing the past couple of days, making it a little crowded in my head and I thought maybe, just maybe, writing them into words might just help me a little with the whole process.

Before I get to that, I just want to show a little appreciation to those of you who are still here, who are still reading, still lurking, still wanting to get a little glimpse of my inner thoughts. The biggest compliment or flattery that I could ever receive is when people come up to me and tell me that they like what I write about in my blog, and they wondered why I stopped writing. Thank you, for coming up to me to tell me how my posts have helped you cope with your depression and mental state of mind. I know how isolating it can be to feel as though you're going through this alone, but you're not. You're truly not.

In fact, I understand how difficult it is to talk about mental health. It's also partly why I have been trying to keep a little quiet, not baring my soul as how I dared to before. It can be daunting, you see, being this open and vulnerable when you don't know if the people at the other side of the screen are good souls who are with you, or just lurkers waiting to see you fall. To be honest, my heart is beating out of my chest as I typed all these. It gives me a great amount of anxiety, but I know it's something I have to overcome. 

Why? You'd ask. I guess, it's because I believe that the other side of fear is a beautiful thing. At the end of the day, nobody else's opinion truly matter. I guess, it's because I've come to realise that not only does my openness and vulnerability help you as a reader, but it also helps me as a writer, to truly understand why I'm having these whirlwind of emotions and how exactly to put them into words so I can think about how to overcome them. I guess, this is how I truly heal. Even it takes a whole year for me to get here.

I guess, when I'm writing on this blog, I feel like I'm getting closer to the version of me that had been hidden away for so long. The girl who writes about her thoughts, feelings and is fearless about baring her soul. 

These days I've been thinking about how easily I get emotionally and socially drained that I almost always choose to be alone after a flight because I have to recharge my social battery, and recharge well. It's almost like if I were to go out with my set of crew after a flight, it means I must be comfortable enough with them to sacrifice my rest and alone time for more social activities post-work. That honestly doesn't happen a lot because I'm someone who craves a real connection and does rather badly at small talks because I'm so socially awkward, so I stay away from meaningless interactions as much as I can. 

I know it's a little odd, how someone could be this introverted and closed up, yet still be in a line of work that encourages you to be extroverted and pretty much a social butterfly, but we do exist in this line. And a lot of introverts actually do really well in this job, somehow. There are also a lot of people who are somehow in the middle of the spectrum where they are able to switch between their personalities to fit the role they're playing in their profession and personal life. I, however, belong in the category of introverts who are very close the furthest end of what you would think an introvert would be like. Top that up with a little bit of anxiety issues and healing through a series of mental health issues that I typically don't say out loud.

Living in that state of mind, can be exhausting. The noise is typically on the inside, and it's almost too loud for yourself to deal with. When my social battery runs out, it's like I'm screaming for relief in a sense of aloneness. It's when I finally get time to myself, that's when I could recharge and be at my happiest. The world moves too quickly, but when I'm alone, I feel like time slows down, it's peaceful and I can hear my thoughts a little better too. When I can finally listen to them, I'm more than able to give myself what I truly need and deserve. 

Not many has the privilege to truly see and get to know the real me. And I guess not many will. It takes a lot for me to open up to someone, and I consider it to be a rare honour to have a glimpse into the deepest part of my soul. All the good, bad and ugly. It takes a certain kind of strength in an individual to be able to handle that too. I don't trust easily, and it takes a lot for me truly let my guard down.

I have learned that the only safe place you have is the home you've made for yourself. 

And what I mean by this is that, you can care a ton about others, but you will always hurt if you expect them to care for you the same way. You can pour all your love into another, but don't ever leave nothing behind for yourself. It's not selfish to love yourself. It's not selfish to take care of yourself first before you take care of others. You have to show up for yourself first. 

Let your heart be your safe place. Let yourself be the number one priority of your life. That way, your expectations of others won't ever lead to disappointments. Because at the end of the day, you know you have yourself to fall back on. Let the home you've build inside you be the safest most comfortable space you have for yourself, because that's what you deserve. You have it in you to give yourself what you deserve. 

Always remember that.

Love,
Ashhy
more



I have 45 minutes before I need to get ready for an appointment, and I thought "Hmm, perhaps it's a good time to write”.  Perhaps it's the two cups of oat milk iced coffee I had this morning, or perhaps it's just an influx of energy I had after sleeping for a total of 12 hours after coming home from an overnight turn. Either way, I'm thankful for the way I feel today. 

It's also been three hours since I've started queuing up for Coldplay tickets online. I'm almost there, and I just know it will be worth the wait. You know, I've never really been the type to wait in line for tickets but I really want to go for this one. 

As I get older, I realised that it's important to make time for those little moments in life that makes you feel alive. Life can get a little mundane sometimes, especially when you're so used to following a routine. I'm thankful that my job isn't as structured, but even following a rigid roster month after month  feels a lot like a routine, day in day out. And during my off days,  I usually catch up on sleep unless I have errands to run. It has become something I really look forward to. Then it's back to the get-go. 

So it's little moments like going to a concert, having a short getaway with my love, and just basically taking a break from life- that’s what I usually look forward to. These little moments. They're what makes all the difference. 

I realised that I don't need a lot of these little moments. I don't even use social media as much as I used to. The constant need to show others what's going on in my life, has gone. Part of the reason why I stayed away is because I get really afraid of people knowing what I'm up to. Somehow that gives me a kind of anxiety that I can't explain. So I tend to post throwbacks, months after or not at all. It makes me feel safer. 

Sometimes it's better to take the back seat and observe instead. I do learn a lot from just watching, to be honest. It's my turn to be inspired by all of you. I find human behaviour so interesting, and I love the kind of people who are so giving and selfless with their sharing of knowledge. And I find that it's useful when I tune out things that makes me feel a negative way, so I mute them away. It helps, I realise, to have control over what makes you feel good and is safe for your mental health.

Living life quietly has been good for me. I don't feel like I'm a product of peer pressure anymore, instead I do things at my own pace, at my own time, and the way I like it. It's no longer about pleasing others anymore, it's all about making sure that I am happy with what I put out and share with the world. No matter how much or how little. 

Take control of your time, your energy. After all, the only person you have to truly please is yourself. Do things at your own speed, your own pace, at your own terms and what feels true to you. 

That's all that matters.

Love,
Ashhy

Protect your soul, your energy

June 19, 2023



I have 45 minutes before I need to get ready for an appointment, and I thought "Hmm, perhaps it's a good time to write”.  Perhaps it's the two cups of oat milk iced coffee I had this morning, or perhaps it's just an influx of energy I had after sleeping for a total of 12 hours after coming home from an overnight turn. Either way, I'm thankful for the way I feel today. 

It's also been three hours since I've started queuing up for Coldplay tickets online. I'm almost there, and I just know it will be worth the wait. You know, I've never really been the type to wait in line for tickets but I really want to go for this one. 

As I get older, I realised that it's important to make time for those little moments in life that makes you feel alive. Life can get a little mundane sometimes, especially when you're so used to following a routine. I'm thankful that my job isn't as structured, but even following a rigid roster month after month  feels a lot like a routine, day in day out. And during my off days,  I usually catch up on sleep unless I have errands to run. It has become something I really look forward to. Then it's back to the get-go. 

So it's little moments like going to a concert, having a short getaway with my love, and just basically taking a break from life- that’s what I usually look forward to. These little moments. They're what makes all the difference. 

I realised that I don't need a lot of these little moments. I don't even use social media as much as I used to. The constant need to show others what's going on in my life, has gone. Part of the reason why I stayed away is because I get really afraid of people knowing what I'm up to. Somehow that gives me a kind of anxiety that I can't explain. So I tend to post throwbacks, months after or not at all. It makes me feel safer. 

Sometimes it's better to take the back seat and observe instead. I do learn a lot from just watching, to be honest. It's my turn to be inspired by all of you. I find human behaviour so interesting, and I love the kind of people who are so giving and selfless with their sharing of knowledge. And I find that it's useful when I tune out things that makes me feel a negative way, so I mute them away. It helps, I realise, to have control over what makes you feel good and is safe for your mental health.

Living life quietly has been good for me. I don't feel like I'm a product of peer pressure anymore, instead I do things at my own pace, at my own time, and the way I like it. It's no longer about pleasing others anymore, it's all about making sure that I am happy with what I put out and share with the world. No matter how much or how little. 

Take control of your time, your energy. After all, the only person you have to truly please is yourself. Do things at your own speed, your own pace, at your own terms and what feels true to you. 

That's all that matters.

Love,
Ashhy
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