This year came and went in full swing, it felt eventful even in its moments of stagnancy. I find it difficult to believe that it's already May, and we're so close to the second half of the year already. I haven't quite processed everything that happened at the start of the year till now, it all went by so quickly but I'm grateful, so grateful for everything that had happened this year.
I think it's always good to start a post with a little gratitude because honestly life isn't the easiest, but it's the fact that we wake up every day and kept going, that makes it all so worthwhile.
I haven't touched my laptop in months, haven't been doing any form of writing or journalling at all. I forgot how therapeutic it is to let my thoughts flow, it makes my heart a little lighter. Sometimes, I would feel inspired for a quick second, there would be a couple of topics I told myself that I'd love to write about on my blog, and then I forgot about it. I guess that could be why my last post was in last August.
Nevertheless, it's always nice to come back to this space.
I've documented a lot of my thoughts, feeling and emotions in this space without realising how much I've grown in the process, over the years. What used to hurt me, has now become so small and minuscule. What used to wrap around my head so much has changed into questions like, "what can I do to ensure that I can be happy with myself?" and "how do I protect myself better whenever I feel like my emotions are getting out of hand?"
And every decision I make, is solely because I choose to stay away from negative energy that doesn't serve me anymore. I want to be free from those emotions that used to drag me down. There are things that I can control, and many that I can't.
Of course, I'm not perfect. There are days when I give in to my feelings of self-doubt, to my curiosity and there are days where I don't feel like I can one hundred per cent be true to the words that I keep telling myself. There are days where I give in to the voices that aren't good for me, but here I am, still trying, still wanting so much better for myself.
As I sit here, listening to the new vinyl from my love, soaking in all the calm vibes that I could get from my single day of rest before resuming the daily grind again tomorrow morning, I find myself feeling absolutely thankful for everything that I have in this life.
How beautiful a gift that was, such a pleasant surprise. What made it prettier is how we listened to the whole album on repeat while we're chilling and enjoying each other's company, and he went, "It feels different, doesn't it, listening to a record on a vinyl player instead of Spotify." Yes my love, it does. The simplest things always bring forth the most beautiful effects.
'Be kind to yourself.'
An advice I keep telling myself over the years. I celebrate every small win because every step into growth that I could take, is something worth celebrating and living for. To know that I'm not the same person that I was yesterday, to know that I'm learning to be a better person with every single day that passed. Every lesson in this life brings growth and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.
Love,
Ashhy
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