“I met the saddest version of myself this year.”

This was the first page of a post I stumbled upon on Instagram recently. I don’t know why, but it struck something inside of me. I find that I resonated to this, a lot deeply than I thought I would. 

It’s hard. It’s hard for me to admit to difficult feelings sometimes, because I realised that I have this pattern of trying to turn every negative feeling into something positive, or a lesson to learn from. But as I get older, I feel like sometimes, I don’t really have to convince myself that I’m okay, when it’s clear that I’m not. Not yet, at least. It’s actually okay to sit with your feelings until you’re ready to move on.

In some strange way, I felt like I needed to go through this. I can’t help but shake this feeling that I’m currently in an important, pivotal transition stage of my life. And yet, I’ve been far too stubborn to make the right steps forward into the direction that I needed to go. Something inside me has been screaming at me, to make that move. After all, even the best game goes nowhere if you’re too afraid to touch the pieces. 

But perhaps when you spend too long refusing to make a move, life eventually moves without you.

And just like that, it’s check mate.
And you weren’t the one who won the game.

Here’s the full version of the post:

I met the saddest version of me this year.
The version of me I never thought I would become.

I lost my spark.
I lost my peace.
Some days, I even felt like I lost myself.

My mind became a place I couldn’t escape from.
I smiled around people, while quietly falling apart inside.

This year showed me how much pain a person can carry in silence.
But it also opened my eyes.

I saw people for who they really were.
I learned that not everyone who stays around you is truly there for you.

I learned that losing yourself can sometimes be the beginning of finding yourself again.

This year broke something inside me.
But maybe it was breaking me open to become someone new.
And it’s not even over yet. But neither am I.

This post actually hit me hard, because indeed I have met the saddest version of me this year. 

It could’ve destroyed me, but I didn’t want to give anything or anyone that power over me, because the only person who could decide that, is me. There will be a time when I could talk about this freely and openly, but now isn’t the time.

And yet, in the grand scheme of things, I have also met the happiest version of me this year, too. 

Life is bittersweet that way.

Love,
Ashhy

“I met the saddest version of myself this year.”

October 5, 2026



“I met the saddest version of myself this year.”

This was the first page of a post I stumbled upon on Instagram recently. I don’t know why, but it struck something inside of me. I find that I resonated to this, a lot deeply than I thought I would. 

It’s hard. It’s hard for me to admit to difficult feelings sometimes, because I realised that I have this pattern of trying to turn every negative feeling into something positive, or a lesson to learn from. But as I get older, I feel like sometimes, I don’t really have to convince myself that I’m okay, when it’s clear that I’m not. Not yet, at least. It’s actually okay to sit with your feelings until you’re ready to move on.

In some strange way, I felt like I needed to go through this. I can’t help but shake this feeling that I’m currently in an important, pivotal transition stage of my life. And yet, I’ve been far too stubborn to make the right steps forward into the direction that I needed to go. Something inside me has been screaming at me, to make that move. After all, even the best game goes nowhere if you’re too afraid to touch the pieces. 

But perhaps when you spend too long refusing to make a move, life eventually moves without you.

And just like that, it’s check mate.
And you weren’t the one who won the game.

Here’s the full version of the post:

I met the saddest version of me this year.
The version of me I never thought I would become.

I lost my spark.
I lost my peace.
Some days, I even felt like I lost myself.

My mind became a place I couldn’t escape from.
I smiled around people, while quietly falling apart inside.

This year showed me how much pain a person can carry in silence.
But it also opened my eyes.

I saw people for who they really were.
I learned that not everyone who stays around you is truly there for you.

I learned that losing yourself can sometimes be the beginning of finding yourself again.

This year broke something inside me.
But maybe it was breaking me open to become someone new.
And it’s not even over yet. But neither am I.

This post actually hit me hard, because indeed I have met the saddest version of me this year. 

It could’ve destroyed me, but I didn’t want to give anything or anyone that power over me, because the only person who could decide that, is me. There will be a time when I could talk about this freely and openly, but now isn’t the time.

And yet, in the grand scheme of things, I have also met the happiest version of me this year, too. 

Life is bittersweet that way.

Love,
Ashhy
more

Sometimes, when there’s already momentum, it gets really easy to keep going. I’d like to begin by giving thanks to this lovely space for allowing me to really take things slow and get a bit of writing done while I’m still feeling really inspired. I’d also like to give thanks to the universe for allowing me the time and energy to come together with my inner world.

I live for days when I get to check in with myself like this. I’m tired from work, but somehow something in me gives me the motivation to get out of the house, get my errands done, and allow myself to take a moment to really be present with myself, right here, and check in with my own well-being. I needed to be okay first, before I worry about anything else.

Here, in this quaint little space that I just found in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the city, I feel at ease, like time is slowing down. It’s a nice feeling.

I find myself keeping to myself a lot more now than ever before, because I find it so hard to build trust with others. I really feel safest with myself, and I find a lot of comfort in doing a lot of things on my own now. I’ve accepted the fact that this is how I am now. I find myself feeling a lot more connected with myself, and being alone gives me a lot of strength. The trust I don’t have in others, I find that it has grown stronger in myself. I trust that I will be able to handle a lot of adversities on my own, and that’s okay.

Living in my introverted world gives me an equal amount of pain and peace. It’s painful because when I’m alone, I let myself feel things a lot more; I process my emotions head-on instead of tucking them away. And peace, because after processing my emotions, I find myself landing in a place of acceptance. With peace comes happiness, or more like, contentment. And contentment is a good place to be.

What I hope for is that I’ll have more moments where I feel aligned with myself. It’s a great place to be when my mind and my heart aren’t at war with each other. I want to find more balance in myself. I’d like to be more centred, letting things ebb and flow.

Love,
Ashhy

The ebbs and flows of life

January 21, 2026


Sometimes, when there’s already momentum, it gets really easy to keep going. I’d like to begin by giving thanks to this lovely space for allowing me to really take things slow and get a bit of writing done while I’m still feeling really inspired. I’d also like to give thanks to the universe for allowing me the time and energy to come together with my inner world.

I live for days when I get to check in with myself like this. I’m tired from work, but somehow something in me gives me the motivation to get out of the house, get my errands done, and allow myself to take a moment to really be present with myself, right here, and check in with my own well-being. I needed to be okay first, before I worry about anything else.

Here, in this quaint little space that I just found in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the city, I feel at ease, like time is slowing down. It’s a nice feeling.

I find myself keeping to myself a lot more now than ever before, because I find it so hard to build trust with others. I really feel safest with myself, and I find a lot of comfort in doing a lot of things on my own now. I’ve accepted the fact that this is how I am now. I find myself feeling a lot more connected with myself, and being alone gives me a lot of strength. The trust I don’t have in others, I find that it has grown stronger in myself. I trust that I will be able to handle a lot of adversities on my own, and that’s okay.

Living in my introverted world gives me an equal amount of pain and peace. It’s painful because when I’m alone, I let myself feel things a lot more; I process my emotions head-on instead of tucking them away. And peace, because after processing my emotions, I find myself landing in a place of acceptance. With peace comes happiness, or more like, contentment. And contentment is a good place to be.

What I hope for is that I’ll have more moments where I feel aligned with myself. It’s a great place to be when my mind and my heart aren’t at war with each other. I want to find more balance in myself. I’d like to be more centred, letting things ebb and flow.

Love,
Ashhy
more


Hello there. It’s been a while. It’s already 2026, can you believe it? It doesn’t feel all that different after all, but it is a brand new year.


I’ve been on a writing hiatus for a while, not because I ran out of things to write about, but because my mind hasn’t felt organised enough to get something proper down. Tonight feels a little different, though. Tonight, I feel inspired. A small spark has been ignited. It feels like a good night to write about what’s been on my mind.


I guess I want to start this post with a little reflection.


Every year, I like to begin with gratitude, no matter how the year has turned out. I don’t like admitting to myself that a year has been bad, even when it has been. I guess it’s the INFP in me, the one who sees life through rose-tinted glasses, the one who holds an idealistic view of the world. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing.


Truthfully, life is about how you see it, isn’t it? When you focus on the bad, that’s all you see. But when you choose to focus on the good, you’re left with nothing but gratitude for how life has unfolded. I want to always choose the latter.


2025 wasn’t an easy year for me, but it was one that filled my heart with joy, humility, and contentment. I accomplished something my younger self would thank me for. I learned a new language. Not just any language, but one I’ve been romanticising my whole life. I finally learned how to speak a little French, and became a French-speaking crew. A brand new identity at work that reignited the love I once had for what I do.


I also had enough rezeki to gift my parents their second Umrah, all expenses paid, one of the greatest blessings life has given them through me. I’m deeply thankful for that. It was also the year I brought them to Switzerland, where they experienced snow for the first time in their lives. That same trip was also when both my partner’s parents and mine met, and it was lovely to watch them slowly grow comfortable and friendly with one another.


This was also the year I experienced one of the best trips of my life, a dream I’ve always held close. I finally lived my Italian summer, travelling through Milan, Lake Como, the Dolomites, and Rome over 12 days. The Dolomites, in particular, was a place I knew I needed to see before I died. That trip was a true escape from reality. I’ve never been happier.


2025 also marked my 10th year in the airline, and with it, my second gratuity. With that, I began learning more about investment plans and thinking more intentionally about my future. I may be a little late to the party, but I’m grateful I started. I’m especially thankful to have someone I trust to guide me through this new chapter of financial independence.


My relationship also grew in ways I’m deeply thankful for. For two very different individuals, we’ve found a rhythm that allows us to exist in harmony without losing ourselves. My partner has been my greatest support through every high and low. He is my number one fan, my biggest cheerleader, and the only person who truly knows the full extent of my struggles. I don’t share that side of me often, but with him, I feel safe enough to do so. To trust someone with that part of me is the greatest honour I can give, and I don’t take it lightly.


And that was my 2025. It wasn’t perfect, but it was filled with lessons and moments of gratitude. I don’t have a list of resolutions for 2026. All I hope for is to have more moments where I feel certain of the decisions I make. To trust myself more, and to believe I know what’s best for me. To become a version of myself that younger Ashhy would be proud of.


Love,

Ashhy

2025 Reflections

January 18, 2026


Hello there. It’s been a while. It’s already 2026, can you believe it? It doesn’t feel all that different after all, but it is a brand new year.


I’ve been on a writing hiatus for a while, not because I ran out of things to write about, but because my mind hasn’t felt organised enough to get something proper down. Tonight feels a little different, though. Tonight, I feel inspired. A small spark has been ignited. It feels like a good night to write about what’s been on my mind.


I guess I want to start this post with a little reflection.


Every year, I like to begin with gratitude, no matter how the year has turned out. I don’t like admitting to myself that a year has been bad, even when it has been. I guess it’s the INFP in me, the one who sees life through rose-tinted glasses, the one who holds an idealistic view of the world. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing.


Truthfully, life is about how you see it, isn’t it? When you focus on the bad, that’s all you see. But when you choose to focus on the good, you’re left with nothing but gratitude for how life has unfolded. I want to always choose the latter.


2025 wasn’t an easy year for me, but it was one that filled my heart with joy, humility, and contentment. I accomplished something my younger self would thank me for. I learned a new language. Not just any language, but one I’ve been romanticising my whole life. I finally learned how to speak a little French, and became a French-speaking crew. A brand new identity at work that reignited the love I once had for what I do.


I also had enough rezeki to gift my parents their second Umrah, all expenses paid, one of the greatest blessings life has given them through me. I’m deeply thankful for that. It was also the year I brought them to Switzerland, where they experienced snow for the first time in their lives. That same trip was also when both my partner’s parents and mine met, and it was lovely to watch them slowly grow comfortable and friendly with one another.


This was also the year I experienced one of the best trips of my life, a dream I’ve always held close. I finally lived my Italian summer, travelling through Milan, Lake Como, the Dolomites, and Rome over 12 days. The Dolomites, in particular, was a place I knew I needed to see before I died. That trip was a true escape from reality. I’ve never been happier.


2025 also marked my 10th year in the airline, and with it, my second gratuity. With that, I began learning more about investment plans and thinking more intentionally about my future. I may be a little late to the party, but I’m grateful I started. I’m especially thankful to have someone I trust to guide me through this new chapter of financial independence.


My relationship also grew in ways I’m deeply thankful for. For two very different individuals, we’ve found a rhythm that allows us to exist in harmony without losing ourselves. My partner has been my greatest support through every high and low. He is my number one fan, my biggest cheerleader, and the only person who truly knows the full extent of my struggles. I don’t share that side of me often, but with him, I feel safe enough to do so. To trust someone with that part of me is the greatest honour I can give, and I don’t take it lightly.


And that was my 2025. It wasn’t perfect, but it was filled with lessons and moments of gratitude. I don’t have a list of resolutions for 2026. All I hope for is to have more moments where I feel certain of the decisions I make. To trust myself more, and to believe I know what’s best for me. To become a version of myself that younger Ashhy would be proud of.


Love,

Ashhy

more

Paris will always have my heart. 

In many ways, it holds some of my most precious memories. I remember, when I was a trainee to become a flight attendant, what I looked forward to the most is to finally see the Eiffel Tower in real life, sipping a cup of hot chocolate and eating a croissant. That simple idea became my motivation. Since then, I've done multiple Paris flights and even chose it as a holiday destination once because I've always had a romanticised view of Paris, and I think I always will.

A decade has passed, and now I get to be in Paris every month. Still, I find myself excited, eager to explore new corners and revisit the places I've come to love. I'm just that kind of girl. When I fall in love with something, I keep coming back. Not just because it's familiar but because of the memories it hold. 

I love the feeling of nostalgia a place can give me, how it lets me reflect on who I was when I first came, and see how much I've grown since. What has changed, and what has stayed the same. It's a blessing to still be able to travel so freely, I will continue to be thankful for that until it's time I leave for good.




I knew I wanted to go back to Pink Mamma one day, ever since the first time I had it. I had the best truffle pasta I've ever had, and knew that this place will be my go-to every time I'm there. However, I hadn't had the chance to go to Paris for six years. The pandemic came and went and Paris had been nothing but a distant memory. So I was excited to go back. Pink Mamma doesn't take reservations for one, so I walked in and hoped for the best. Thankfully didn't had to wait too long for a seat. It was by the bar, I was in the furthermost corner and I liked that. It felt like a quiet little space just for me.

I ordered the truffle pasta that I've missed, along with a mocktail the server recommended. It was amazing, tasted exactly how I remembered. Being there, brought back a flood of memories. Good ones, though slightly tainted by the past. Still, I was grateful. Grateful for the chance to return, to reclaim the moment, and to create something new on my own this time.

These days, I really cherish my alone time. There's something grounding about planning a day just for myself, no compromises, no one else's preferences to consider. I create little itineraries filled with things that bring me quiet joy like a place I've been wanting to revisit, a coffee I've been craving, a walk without a destination. It's become a way of reconnecting with who I am right now, outside my roles, routines and relationships. And somehow, in the stillness of these moments, I feel the most at peace. It's like I'm finally coming home to myself. 













The next destination was Palais Garnier, the opera house that holds the memories of my very first Paris flight. I remember being the only junior on that trip, and every one else had already been to Paris before. The seniors wanted to start the layover by drinking, while I was looking forward to exploring the city. 

Back then, I wasn't the most confident navigating unfamiliar cities alone (and at that time, I didn't have overseas mobile data) but what I did have was a strong sense of will. I had already set my heart on seeing Palais Garnier, no matter what. So I screenshot the directions and train stops, took a deep breath, and went on an adventure.

I was in awe. It was the most beautiful opera house I've ever seen. I couldn't believe that I was finally there, soaking in the grandeur I had only seen in pictures. It felt surreal. Being here again, reminded me of the 21 year old me, seeing the world for the first time. She was afraid, but brave enough to chase the moments she longed for. That quiet strength carried me through so many places. It shaped me. And I'm still thankful for her. 

I wanted to return here not just to see it again, but to feel what I felt then. To reconnect with that spark, that sense of wonder. I stayed till closing, was one of the last few to leave, savouring every second of a memory that still means everything to me.




The next in my itinerary was to go a popular bookstore called Shakespeare and Company. I think I just like the idea of going to old bookstores, it has such character which feels like a form of art on its own. The first thing I noticed was this man, sitting right outside the bookstore, playing chess with random people. He wins every time. I think it's such a sight to see, and it's very heartwarming to see people coming by to take up the challenge, and also to watch them play.

The bookstore itself is so charming in every sense, it's a tight space but full of personality. The second level is the reading room, where you have a comfortable space to read. It's also filled with old books that were not for sale, and you may pick up anything to like and read for as long as you want. I think it's charming. 

I picked up a book from the bookstore. Since I was in Paris, I wanted to buy The Little Prince in French. And so I did. My very first French book is Le Petit Prince, a famous children's book. 




My last stop for the day was to La Grande Epicerie de Paris, with one goal in mind and that is to purchase a lot of French butter. I only had 5% of battery left on my phone, with no portable charger and I needed my phone for both navigation and to take the public transport. Still, I went. And had no regrets. 

I've never been to a supermarket this grand, it feels like it's on another level. All I wanted to get was butter but I left with more than that. It was an experience, for sure.

The sun sets at about 10pm since it's summer now, and I felt like I really made the most out of my day. The weather was unforgiving, but it had been a fulfilling day. The day had given me every thing I needed, memories revisited, courage remembered, and new moments created just for me. It reminded me why Paris will always have my heart. Not just for its beauty, but for who I've been here, and who I continue to be each time I return.

Jusqu'a la prochaine fois, Paris.

Love,
Ashhy

Paris aura toujours mon cœur

June 26, 2025


Paris will always have my heart. 

In many ways, it holds some of my most precious memories. I remember, when I was a trainee to become a flight attendant, what I looked forward to the most is to finally see the Eiffel Tower in real life, sipping a cup of hot chocolate and eating a croissant. That simple idea became my motivation. Since then, I've done multiple Paris flights and even chose it as a holiday destination once because I've always had a romanticised view of Paris, and I think I always will.

A decade has passed, and now I get to be in Paris every month. Still, I find myself excited, eager to explore new corners and revisit the places I've come to love. I'm just that kind of girl. When I fall in love with something, I keep coming back. Not just because it's familiar but because of the memories it hold. 

I love the feeling of nostalgia a place can give me, how it lets me reflect on who I was when I first came, and see how much I've grown since. What has changed, and what has stayed the same. It's a blessing to still be able to travel so freely, I will continue to be thankful for that until it's time I leave for good.




I knew I wanted to go back to Pink Mamma one day, ever since the first time I had it. I had the best truffle pasta I've ever had, and knew that this place will be my go-to every time I'm there. However, I hadn't had the chance to go to Paris for six years. The pandemic came and went and Paris had been nothing but a distant memory. So I was excited to go back. Pink Mamma doesn't take reservations for one, so I walked in and hoped for the best. Thankfully didn't had to wait too long for a seat. It was by the bar, I was in the furthermost corner and I liked that. It felt like a quiet little space just for me.

I ordered the truffle pasta that I've missed, along with a mocktail the server recommended. It was amazing, tasted exactly how I remembered. Being there, brought back a flood of memories. Good ones, though slightly tainted by the past. Still, I was grateful. Grateful for the chance to return, to reclaim the moment, and to create something new on my own this time.

These days, I really cherish my alone time. There's something grounding about planning a day just for myself, no compromises, no one else's preferences to consider. I create little itineraries filled with things that bring me quiet joy like a place I've been wanting to revisit, a coffee I've been craving, a walk without a destination. It's become a way of reconnecting with who I am right now, outside my roles, routines and relationships. And somehow, in the stillness of these moments, I feel the most at peace. It's like I'm finally coming home to myself. 













The next destination was Palais Garnier, the opera house that holds the memories of my very first Paris flight. I remember being the only junior on that trip, and every one else had already been to Paris before. The seniors wanted to start the layover by drinking, while I was looking forward to exploring the city. 

Back then, I wasn't the most confident navigating unfamiliar cities alone (and at that time, I didn't have overseas mobile data) but what I did have was a strong sense of will. I had already set my heart on seeing Palais Garnier, no matter what. So I screenshot the directions and train stops, took a deep breath, and went on an adventure.

I was in awe. It was the most beautiful opera house I've ever seen. I couldn't believe that I was finally there, soaking in the grandeur I had only seen in pictures. It felt surreal. Being here again, reminded me of the 21 year old me, seeing the world for the first time. She was afraid, but brave enough to chase the moments she longed for. That quiet strength carried me through so many places. It shaped me. And I'm still thankful for her. 

I wanted to return here not just to see it again, but to feel what I felt then. To reconnect with that spark, that sense of wonder. I stayed till closing, was one of the last few to leave, savouring every second of a memory that still means everything to me.




The next in my itinerary was to go a popular bookstore called Shakespeare and Company. I think I just like the idea of going to old bookstores, it has such character which feels like a form of art on its own. The first thing I noticed was this man, sitting right outside the bookstore, playing chess with random people. He wins every time. I think it's such a sight to see, and it's very heartwarming to see people coming by to take up the challenge, and also to watch them play.

The bookstore itself is so charming in every sense, it's a tight space but full of personality. The second level is the reading room, where you have a comfortable space to read. It's also filled with old books that were not for sale, and you may pick up anything to like and read for as long as you want. I think it's charming. 

I picked up a book from the bookstore. Since I was in Paris, I wanted to buy The Little Prince in French. And so I did. My very first French book is Le Petit Prince, a famous children's book. 




My last stop for the day was to La Grande Epicerie de Paris, with one goal in mind and that is to purchase a lot of French butter. I only had 5% of battery left on my phone, with no portable charger and I needed my phone for both navigation and to take the public transport. Still, I went. And had no regrets. 

I've never been to a supermarket this grand, it feels like it's on another level. All I wanted to get was butter but I left with more than that. It was an experience, for sure.

The sun sets at about 10pm since it's summer now, and I felt like I really made the most out of my day. The weather was unforgiving, but it had been a fulfilling day. The day had given me every thing I needed, memories revisited, courage remembered, and new moments created just for me. It reminded me why Paris will always have my heart. Not just for its beauty, but for who I've been here, and who I continue to be each time I return.

Jusqu'a la prochaine fois, Paris.

Love,
Ashhy
more


Dear skies,

These days feel a little heavy on my soul. 

I always find myself back here whenever I'm feeling some sort of way. It's not that I'm sad, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. But sometimes, stronger emotions take over control and I find myself being clouded by grey skies that I try my hardest to ignore most times. 

There's a part of me that knows there's a significant end that's coming to a chapter that's been a part of my life for a while now. It's a period of transition in my life where I don't quite feel like the old me anymore, and I know that every decision I make right now will lead to where life will take me in the future. There's a whole lot of uncertainty, but these days, there seemed a be a sort of clarity and finality by the voices in my head, telling me, "it's almost time, you should let go now".

You, skies, have heard my quietest prayers, the long and endless wishing to be back home whenever I'm so far away.  The clouds have seen my deepest sorrows, even when it's being masked by performative smiles. I've been longing, longing to be home and no where else. Just home. 

For years, I've waited for a reason to stay grounded. To keep my feet planted on the ground and allow myself to fully belong somewhere. I never wanted to admit it, but the truth is, the parts of my life spent away from the skies have been the moments I felt most like myself- the version of me that burned with dreams, energy, and fire. The version I thought the skies would help me find. And they did, for a while. Until they didn't.

I no longer feel the pull to go further, higher or faster. The skies have already carried me farther than I ever imagined. I've touched places I've never dreamed of. I've lived out of a suitcase and seen the sun set in languages I don't speak. But now, I feel a quiet shift within me. A knowing. There is a life for me away from the skies. And I think it might shine even brighter. 

But skies, I want to thank you, for holding me when I didn't realise I needed to be held. For teaching me how small I am in the vastness of it all, and how full of wonder I can still be. For reminding me, every time I rose above the clouds, that even the darkest of days can look beautiful from the right altitude.

I don't resent you for the way that I've changed. I think I've just outgrown the version of me that needed you to feel free. Maybe that's what growth looks like- not climbing higher, but finally coming down.

So if this is goodbye, let it be a soft one. No turbulence. No chaos. Just a quiet landing. 

One last descent, into myself. Into home. 
Into whatever comes next.

Love,
Ashhy

A letter to the skies ✈︎

June 7, 2025



Dear skies,

These days feel a little heavy on my soul. 

I always find myself back here whenever I'm feeling some sort of way. It's not that I'm sad, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. But sometimes, stronger emotions take over control and I find myself being clouded by grey skies that I try my hardest to ignore most times. 

There's a part of me that knows there's a significant end that's coming to a chapter that's been a part of my life for a while now. It's a period of transition in my life where I don't quite feel like the old me anymore, and I know that every decision I make right now will lead to where life will take me in the future. There's a whole lot of uncertainty, but these days, there seemed a be a sort of clarity and finality by the voices in my head, telling me, "it's almost time, you should let go now".

You, skies, have heard my quietest prayers, the long and endless wishing to be back home whenever I'm so far away.  The clouds have seen my deepest sorrows, even when it's being masked by performative smiles. I've been longing, longing to be home and no where else. Just home. 

For years, I've waited for a reason to stay grounded. To keep my feet planted on the ground and allow myself to fully belong somewhere. I never wanted to admit it, but the truth is, the parts of my life spent away from the skies have been the moments I felt most like myself- the version of me that burned with dreams, energy, and fire. The version I thought the skies would help me find. And they did, for a while. Until they didn't.

I no longer feel the pull to go further, higher or faster. The skies have already carried me farther than I ever imagined. I've touched places I've never dreamed of. I've lived out of a suitcase and seen the sun set in languages I don't speak. But now, I feel a quiet shift within me. A knowing. There is a life for me away from the skies. And I think it might shine even brighter. 

But skies, I want to thank you, for holding me when I didn't realise I needed to be held. For teaching me how small I am in the vastness of it all, and how full of wonder I can still be. For reminding me, every time I rose above the clouds, that even the darkest of days can look beautiful from the right altitude.

I don't resent you for the way that I've changed. I think I've just outgrown the version of me that needed you to feel free. Maybe that's what growth looks like- not climbing higher, but finally coming down.

So if this is goodbye, let it be a soft one. No turbulence. No chaos. Just a quiet landing. 

One last descent, into myself. Into home. 
Into whatever comes next.

Love,
Ashhy

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This space I hold so dearly, thank you for being my safe space. 

Today, I wasn't in the best mood. I was frustrated with myself because I had a decision to make, and chose to do the right thing but it backfired. I wondered how different would things be if I had just chosen the choice that benefited me the most instead of trying to do right by me, my values and morals. It made me realise how unfair things can be, and there will be times when nothing really goes your way. And doing the right thing, may not be the best for you after all. 

However, it was my conscience that led me to make the decision I made. I couldn't see myself not doing the right thing, even if it meant that I might lose something because of that decision. I weighed my options, and still decided on taking the high road. I guess, in some ways, I should be proud of myself but sadly, it actually ruined my entire mood and I dealt with it by taking a three-hour nap. Classic. This is how I deal with difficult emotions sometimes. It's how I take care of myself when I feel like I'm spiralling down. 

Truthfully, I'm still bothered by it. However, things have happened the way it did and there's nothing much I could do to turn things around. I'm trying to let the feeling pass, I gave myself some time. As compared to how I felt hours ago, I think I'm doing much better now. 

What turned my entire day around was when a friend of mine who I was sharing my grievances to, surprised me with an order of açai bowl delivered right to my doorstep. "I just wanted to cheer you up," she said. That simple act of kindness, really did turn my whole day around. To know that you are loved, cared for and heard meant a lot more than so many things in this life. Thank you.

And not to get spiritual, but sometimes I think God works in mysterious ways like these. I really didn't know why I was so affected the whole day that nothing could make me feel better, and then this happened, and it really did make me smile. It made me feel like my problems are so insignificant, so little. I can't explain it. I just feel a shift in my energy, and knew that things are going to be okay and it's time for me to move forward and get over how I was feeling. 

And that led me here. 

To be honest, there are so many things I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about taking my parents to Switzerland at the start of the year, where they got to see snow fall for the very first time. I wanted to write about how I challenged myself, took up a new role at work and started learning a new language. French — A language I've always wanted to learn. I wanted to write about how I just hit a milestone, hitting my 10-year mark in the airline. A whole decade of flying, and probably the longest relationship I've ever had. 

I wanted to write about all these stuff, and I guess one day I will. Somehow, what I'll end up writing about would always be tied to how I'm feeling currently, it will always end up sounding rather sentimental. Maybe because deep down I feel that life isn't always about the productivity or achievements. Sometimes, it's about holding yourself in difficult moments and reminding yourself that it will pass — and it did. 

Some days, surviving the feeling is enough.

Love,
Ashhy

"It'll come – and then, it'll pass"

May 15, 2025


This space I hold so dearly, thank you for being my safe space. 

Today, I wasn't in the best mood. I was frustrated with myself because I had a decision to make, and chose to do the right thing but it backfired. I wondered how different would things be if I had just chosen the choice that benefited me the most instead of trying to do right by me, my values and morals. It made me realise how unfair things can be, and there will be times when nothing really goes your way. And doing the right thing, may not be the best for you after all. 

However, it was my conscience that led me to make the decision I made. I couldn't see myself not doing the right thing, even if it meant that I might lose something because of that decision. I weighed my options, and still decided on taking the high road. I guess, in some ways, I should be proud of myself but sadly, it actually ruined my entire mood and I dealt with it by taking a three-hour nap. Classic. This is how I deal with difficult emotions sometimes. It's how I take care of myself when I feel like I'm spiralling down. 

Truthfully, I'm still bothered by it. However, things have happened the way it did and there's nothing much I could do to turn things around. I'm trying to let the feeling pass, I gave myself some time. As compared to how I felt hours ago, I think I'm doing much better now. 

What turned my entire day around was when a friend of mine who I was sharing my grievances to, surprised me with an order of açai bowl delivered right to my doorstep. "I just wanted to cheer you up," she said. That simple act of kindness, really did turn my whole day around. To know that you are loved, cared for and heard meant a lot more than so many things in this life. Thank you.

And not to get spiritual, but sometimes I think God works in mysterious ways like these. I really didn't know why I was so affected the whole day that nothing could make me feel better, and then this happened, and it really did make me smile. It made me feel like my problems are so insignificant, so little. I can't explain it. I just feel a shift in my energy, and knew that things are going to be okay and it's time for me to move forward and get over how I was feeling. 

And that led me here. 

To be honest, there are so many things I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about taking my parents to Switzerland at the start of the year, where they got to see snow fall for the very first time. I wanted to write about how I challenged myself, took up a new role at work and started learning a new language. French — A language I've always wanted to learn. I wanted to write about how I just hit a milestone, hitting my 10-year mark in the airline. A whole decade of flying, and probably the longest relationship I've ever had. 

I wanted to write about all these stuff, and I guess one day I will. Somehow, what I'll end up writing about would always be tied to how I'm feeling currently, it will always end up sounding rather sentimental. Maybe because deep down I feel that life isn't always about the productivity or achievements. Sometimes, it's about holding yourself in difficult moments and reminding yourself that it will pass — and it did. 

Some days, surviving the feeling is enough.

Love,
Ashhy
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This year came and went in full swing, it felt eventful even in its moments of stagnancy. I find it difficult to believe that it's already May, and we're so close to the second half of the year already. I haven't quite processed everything that happened at the start of the year till now, it all went by so quickly but I'm grateful, so grateful for everything that had happened this year.


I think it's always good to start a post with a little gratitude because honestly life isn't the easiest, but it's the fact that we wake up every day and kept going, that makes it all so worthwhile. 

I haven't touched my laptop in months, haven't been doing any form of writing or journalling at all. I forgot how therapeutic it is to let my thoughts flow, it makes my heart a little lighter. Sometimes, I would feel inspired for a quick second, there would be a couple of topics I told myself that I'd love to write about on my blog, and then I forgot about it. I guess that could be why my last post was in last August. 

Nevertheless, it's always nice to come back to this space. 

I've documented a lot of my thoughts, feeling and emotions in this space without realising how much I've grown in the process, over the years. What used to hurt me, has now become so small and minuscule. What used to wrap around my head so much has changed into questions like, "what can I do to ensure that I can be happy with myself?" and "how do I protect myself better whenever I feel like my emotions are getting out of hand?"

And every decision I make, is solely because I choose to stay away from negative energy that doesn't serve me anymore. I want to be free from those emotions that used to drag me down. There are things that I can control, and many that I can't. 

Of course, I'm not perfect. There are days when I give in to my feelings of self-doubt, to my curiosity and there are days where I don't feel like I can one hundred per cent be true to the words that I keep telling myself. There are days where I give in to the voices that aren't good for me, but here I am, still trying, still wanting so much better for myself. 

As I sit here, listening to the new vinyl from my love, soaking in all the calm vibes that I could get from my single day of rest before resuming the daily grind again tomorrow morning, I find myself feeling absolutely thankful for everything that I have in this life. 

How beautiful a gift that was, such a pleasant surprise. What made it prettier is how we listened to the whole album on repeat while we're chilling and enjoying each other's company, and he went, "It feels different, doesn't it, listening to a record on a vinyl player instead of Spotify." Yes my love, it does. The simplest things always bring forth the most beautiful effects. 

'Be kind to yourself.' 

An advice I keep telling myself over the years. I celebrate every small win because every step into growth that I could take, is something worth celebrating and living for. To know that I'm not the same person that I was yesterday, to know that I'm learning to be a better person with every single day that passed. Every lesson in this life brings growth and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.

Love, 
Ashhy



Vinyl days, quiet ways

May 9, 2025


This year came and went in full swing, it felt eventful even in its moments of stagnancy. I find it difficult to believe that it's already May, and we're so close to the second half of the year already. I haven't quite processed everything that happened at the start of the year till now, it all went by so quickly but I'm grateful, so grateful for everything that had happened this year.


I think it's always good to start a post with a little gratitude because honestly life isn't the easiest, but it's the fact that we wake up every day and kept going, that makes it all so worthwhile. 

I haven't touched my laptop in months, haven't been doing any form of writing or journalling at all. I forgot how therapeutic it is to let my thoughts flow, it makes my heart a little lighter. Sometimes, I would feel inspired for a quick second, there would be a couple of topics I told myself that I'd love to write about on my blog, and then I forgot about it. I guess that could be why my last post was in last August. 

Nevertheless, it's always nice to come back to this space. 

I've documented a lot of my thoughts, feeling and emotions in this space without realising how much I've grown in the process, over the years. What used to hurt me, has now become so small and minuscule. What used to wrap around my head so much has changed into questions like, "what can I do to ensure that I can be happy with myself?" and "how do I protect myself better whenever I feel like my emotions are getting out of hand?"

And every decision I make, is solely because I choose to stay away from negative energy that doesn't serve me anymore. I want to be free from those emotions that used to drag me down. There are things that I can control, and many that I can't. 

Of course, I'm not perfect. There are days when I give in to my feelings of self-doubt, to my curiosity and there are days where I don't feel like I can one hundred per cent be true to the words that I keep telling myself. There are days where I give in to the voices that aren't good for me, but here I am, still trying, still wanting so much better for myself. 

As I sit here, listening to the new vinyl from my love, soaking in all the calm vibes that I could get from my single day of rest before resuming the daily grind again tomorrow morning, I find myself feeling absolutely thankful for everything that I have in this life. 

How beautiful a gift that was, such a pleasant surprise. What made it prettier is how we listened to the whole album on repeat while we're chilling and enjoying each other's company, and he went, "It feels different, doesn't it, listening to a record on a vinyl player instead of Spotify." Yes my love, it does. The simplest things always bring forth the most beautiful effects. 

'Be kind to yourself.' 

An advice I keep telling myself over the years. I celebrate every small win because every step into growth that I could take, is something worth celebrating and living for. To know that I'm not the same person that I was yesterday, to know that I'm learning to be a better person with every single day that passed. Every lesson in this life brings growth and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.

Love, 
Ashhy



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Hello everyone, August is already here and I had this Taylor Swift song stuck in my head for days hence the reference in the title.

I had this post in my drafts since late July, but had been really slow in completing it. Since I'm on standby duty today, and finally had a bit of time to spare this morning to focus on some writing, I made myself a nice little pot of peppermint tea with manuka honey and a glass of lemon water to get my groove on. I'm not usually like this, but this morning felt different, a good kind of different, so I decided that it's the day I will get this post done and dusted.

July has always been a special month to me. It's also a reminder that we're closer to the end of the year than we are from the start. It is indeed a time to do a lot more reflecting than a little. It is a month where you start to think about how close you are to all the goals you've set at the start of the year, all the hopes and expectations and how it aligns with the reality of the way things are at the moment. It really does make you think.

I've always been the kind of person who has my head above the clouds at all times, that sometimes I get so out of touch with reality. That's the essence of an INFP, I believe. I remember how hopeful I was for the year because it's a leap year and the year I turn 30, and I remain to be hopeful that good things will continue to happen this year.

I would say that this was the year I started saying yes to myself more often, taking trips for the sake of a mental break from reality whenever I had the chance to, and was in touch with my inner child, who doesn't want to miss out on any opportunities for relaxation of the mind, body and soul. This is the year I utilised my staff benefits a lot more than the past years I've been with the airline, really making the most out of it. 

This year, I wanted to spent more days living and creating moments for myself that doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful or unique to others, but they are to me and only me. 

I believe that everybody needs a reset button every once in a while, a break from life. At this age, I realised how much of a luxury it is to have time to yourself especially when you're free from other commitments. I don't see myself being this way for a long time, so I'm trying my best to treasure the time I have to myself, for as long as I can. 

The last week of July had been rather eventful for me. It's as if everything took a 180 degrees turn, all of a sudden. I’m thankful for it all. It also gave me the push to strive for my goals, even if it seems impossible at first. I don't want to stress myself thinking of the outcome. All I know is that what gives me the highest of highs is knowing that I've done myself proud because I did a good thing for myself. That's enough for me.

It’s already the start of August now, and I wanted to celebrate what the last seven months of the year had been for me, so I took myself out to catch a Californian sunset in Manhattan Beach, Los Angeles. It was honestly the best decision I’ve made before the end of July. 















I still remember how it felt like when the Uber driver dropped me off at the walkway, and I was greeted by the beautiful sky, preparing its descend as gracefully and elegantly as can be, slowly taking its time. I, then, took a nice stroll to the end of the pier to get an uninterrupted view of the magnificent sky. 

My little daydream was momentarily hijacked by a passer-by who decided to strike a conversation with me (and apparently, there was another girl who was alone, she was also harrassed by the same man so she came over to talk to me after). After a few of encounters like this with strangers, I've learned how not to offend a person by slowly excusing myself. I'd like to think that most people only have good intentions, but sometimes solo travellers are targeted for reasons that are not exactly innocent. 

I may not be the best person to give advice on this matter but I guess how I deal with such situation is to trust the energy (whether it's good or bad), be respectful yet firm,  and be absolutely wary of your surroundings at all times. It's best to leave the area as soon as you're able to if you sense that you're being followed.

I made my way from the pier to the beach, picked a quiet spot to sit and enjoy the rest of the sunset. All in all, I'm just really glad that I made time on my clear day for this, despite feeling so jetlagged and low on energy. It was something that my soul truly needed.










There's just something about a Californian sunset that hits differently.

I love the beach, the vibes, the sand, the sea, the view and the way the sky changes colour. It's the universe's gift to us, every day. A reminder that no matter what happens, the sun will rise and set again. And during those pivotal moments, there will always be something good to hold on to, no matter how fleeting they are. Live for the good momemts, and let the bad ones pass us by. Things will always be okay at the end of the day.

Hope is that one thing that keeps us going. The hope that tomorrow will be a better day than it is today. It keeps us moving forward even when life seems bleak. I'm still hopeful that I haven't lived my best moments in life yet, there's still a whole future out there for me to achieve what I've always wanted, to watch my dreams come into fruition. I'm still living for the hope of it all. 

I hope you will, too. 

Love, 
Ashhy

To live for the hope of it all,

August 10, 2024



Hello everyone, August is already here and I had this Taylor Swift song stuck in my head for days hence the reference in the title.

I had this post in my drafts since late July, but had been really slow in completing it. Since I'm on standby duty today, and finally had a bit of time to spare this morning to focus on some writing, I made myself a nice little pot of peppermint tea with manuka honey and a glass of lemon water to get my groove on. I'm not usually like this, but this morning felt different, a good kind of different, so I decided that it's the day I will get this post done and dusted.

July has always been a special month to me. It's also a reminder that we're closer to the end of the year than we are from the start. It is indeed a time to do a lot more reflecting than a little. It is a month where you start to think about how close you are to all the goals you've set at the start of the year, all the hopes and expectations and how it aligns with the reality of the way things are at the moment. It really does make you think.

I've always been the kind of person who has my head above the clouds at all times, that sometimes I get so out of touch with reality. That's the essence of an INFP, I believe. I remember how hopeful I was for the year because it's a leap year and the year I turn 30, and I remain to be hopeful that good things will continue to happen this year.

I would say that this was the year I started saying yes to myself more often, taking trips for the sake of a mental break from reality whenever I had the chance to, and was in touch with my inner child, who doesn't want to miss out on any opportunities for relaxation of the mind, body and soul. This is the year I utilised my staff benefits a lot more than the past years I've been with the airline, really making the most out of it. 

This year, I wanted to spent more days living and creating moments for myself that doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful or unique to others, but they are to me and only me. 

I believe that everybody needs a reset button every once in a while, a break from life. At this age, I realised how much of a luxury it is to have time to yourself especially when you're free from other commitments. I don't see myself being this way for a long time, so I'm trying my best to treasure the time I have to myself, for as long as I can. 

The last week of July had been rather eventful for me. It's as if everything took a 180 degrees turn, all of a sudden. I’m thankful for it all. It also gave me the push to strive for my goals, even if it seems impossible at first. I don't want to stress myself thinking of the outcome. All I know is that what gives me the highest of highs is knowing that I've done myself proud because I did a good thing for myself. That's enough for me.

It’s already the start of August now, and I wanted to celebrate what the last seven months of the year had been for me, so I took myself out to catch a Californian sunset in Manhattan Beach, Los Angeles. It was honestly the best decision I’ve made before the end of July. 















I still remember how it felt like when the Uber driver dropped me off at the walkway, and I was greeted by the beautiful sky, preparing its descend as gracefully and elegantly as can be, slowly taking its time. I, then, took a nice stroll to the end of the pier to get an uninterrupted view of the magnificent sky. 

My little daydream was momentarily hijacked by a passer-by who decided to strike a conversation with me (and apparently, there was another girl who was alone, she was also harrassed by the same man so she came over to talk to me after). After a few of encounters like this with strangers, I've learned how not to offend a person by slowly excusing myself. I'd like to think that most people only have good intentions, but sometimes solo travellers are targeted for reasons that are not exactly innocent. 

I may not be the best person to give advice on this matter but I guess how I deal with such situation is to trust the energy (whether it's good or bad), be respectful yet firm,  and be absolutely wary of your surroundings at all times. It's best to leave the area as soon as you're able to if you sense that you're being followed.

I made my way from the pier to the beach, picked a quiet spot to sit and enjoy the rest of the sunset. All in all, I'm just really glad that I made time on my clear day for this, despite feeling so jetlagged and low on energy. It was something that my soul truly needed.










There's just something about a Californian sunset that hits differently.

I love the beach, the vibes, the sand, the sea, the view and the way the sky changes colour. It's the universe's gift to us, every day. A reminder that no matter what happens, the sun will rise and set again. And during those pivotal moments, there will always be something good to hold on to, no matter how fleeting they are. Live for the good momemts, and let the bad ones pass us by. Things will always be okay at the end of the day.

Hope is that one thing that keeps us going. The hope that tomorrow will be a better day than it is today. It keeps us moving forward even when life seems bleak. I'm still hopeful that I haven't lived my best moments in life yet, there's still a whole future out there for me to achieve what I've always wanted, to watch my dreams come into fruition. I'm still living for the hope of it all. 

I hope you will, too. 

Love, 
Ashhy
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