posts in Letters to myself
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This space I hold so dearly, thank you for being my safe space. 

Today, I wasn't in the best mood. I was frustrated with myself because I had a decision to make, and chose to do the right thing but it backfired. I wondered how different would things be if I had just chosen the choice that benefited me the most instead of trying to do right by me, my values and morals. It made me realise how unfair things can be, and there will be times when nothing really goes your way. And doing the right thing, may not be the best for you after all. 

However, it was my conscience that led me to make the decision I made. I couldn't see myself not doing the right thing, even if it meant that I might lose something because of that decision. I weighed my options, and still decided on taking the high road. I guess, in some ways, I should be proud of myself but sadly, it actually ruined my entire mood and I dealt with it by taking a three-hour nap. Classic. This is how I deal with difficult emotions sometimes. It's how I take care of myself when I feel like I'm spiralling down. 

Truthfully, I'm still bothered by it. However, things have happened the way it did and there's nothing much I could do to turn things around. I'm trying to let the feeling pass, I gave myself some time. As compared to how I felt hours ago, I think I'm doing much better now. 

What turned my entire day around was when a friend of mine who I was sharing my grievances to, surprised me with an order of aรงai bowl delivered right to my doorstep. "I just wanted to cheer you up," she said. That simple act of kindness, really did turn my whole day around. To know that you are loved, cared for and heard meant a lot more than so many things in this life. Thank you.

And not to get spiritual, but sometimes I think God works in mysterious ways like these. I really didn't know why I was so affected the whole day that nothing could make me feel better, and then this happened, and it really did make me smile. It made me feel like my problems are so insignificant, so little. I can't explain it. I just feel a shift in my energy, and knew that things are going to be okay and it's time for me to move forward and get over how I was feeling. 

And that led me here. 

To be honest, there are so many things I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about taking my parents to Switzerland at the start of the year, where they got to see snow fall for the very first time. I wanted to write about how I challenged myself, took up a new role at work and started learning a new language. French — A language I've always wanted to learn. I wanted to write about how I just hit a milestone, hitting my 10-year mark in the airline. A whole decade of flying, and probably the longest relationship I've ever had. 

I wanted to write about all these stuff, and I guess one day I will. Somehow, what I'll end up writing about would always be tied to how I'm feeling currently, it will always end up sounding rather sentimental. Maybe because deep down I feel that life isn't always about the productivity or achievements. Sometimes, it's about holding yourself in difficult moments and reminding yourself that it will pass — and it did. 

Some days, surviving the feeling is enough.

Love,
Ashhy

"It'll come – and then, it'll pass"

May 15, 2025


This space I hold so dearly, thank you for being my safe space. 

Today, I wasn't in the best mood. I was frustrated with myself because I had a decision to make, and chose to do the right thing but it backfired. I wondered how different would things be if I had just chosen the choice that benefited me the most instead of trying to do right by me, my values and morals. It made me realise how unfair things can be, and there will be times when nothing really goes your way. And doing the right thing, may not be the best for you after all. 

However, it was my conscience that led me to make the decision I made. I couldn't see myself not doing the right thing, even if it meant that I might lose something because of that decision. I weighed my options, and still decided on taking the high road. I guess, in some ways, I should be proud of myself but sadly, it actually ruined my entire mood and I dealt with it by taking a three-hour nap. Classic. This is how I deal with difficult emotions sometimes. It's how I take care of myself when I feel like I'm spiralling down. 

Truthfully, I'm still bothered by it. However, things have happened the way it did and there's nothing much I could do to turn things around. I'm trying to let the feeling pass, I gave myself some time. As compared to how I felt hours ago, I think I'm doing much better now. 

What turned my entire day around was when a friend of mine who I was sharing my grievances to, surprised me with an order of aรงai bowl delivered right to my doorstep. "I just wanted to cheer you up," she said. That simple act of kindness, really did turn my whole day around. To know that you are loved, cared for and heard meant a lot more than so many things in this life. Thank you.

And not to get spiritual, but sometimes I think God works in mysterious ways like these. I really didn't know why I was so affected the whole day that nothing could make me feel better, and then this happened, and it really did make me smile. It made me feel like my problems are so insignificant, so little. I can't explain it. I just feel a shift in my energy, and knew that things are going to be okay and it's time for me to move forward and get over how I was feeling. 

And that led me here. 

To be honest, there are so many things I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about taking my parents to Switzerland at the start of the year, where they got to see snow fall for the very first time. I wanted to write about how I challenged myself, took up a new role at work and started learning a new language. French — A language I've always wanted to learn. I wanted to write about how I just hit a milestone, hitting my 10-year mark in the airline. A whole decade of flying, and probably the longest relationship I've ever had. 

I wanted to write about all these stuff, and I guess one day I will. Somehow, what I'll end up writing about would always be tied to how I'm feeling currently, it will always end up sounding rather sentimental. Maybe because deep down I feel that life isn't always about the productivity or achievements. Sometimes, it's about holding yourself in difficult moments and reminding yourself that it will pass — and it did. 

Some days, surviving the feeling is enough.

Love,
Ashhy
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This year came and went in full swing, it felt eventful even in its moments of stagnancy. I find it difficult to believe that it's already May, and we're so close to the second half of the year already. I haven't quite processed everything that happened at the start of the year till now, it all went by so quickly but I'm grateful, so grateful for everything that had happened this year.


I think it's always good to start a post with a little gratitude because honestly life isn't the easiest, but it's the fact that we wake up every day and kept going, that makes it all so worthwhile. 

I haven't touched my laptop in months, haven't been doing any form of writing or journalling at all. I forgot how therapeutic it is to let my thoughts flow, it makes my heart a little lighter. Sometimes, I would feel inspired for a quick second, there would be a couple of topics I told myself that I'd love to write about on my blog, and then I forgot about it. I guess that could be why my last post was in last August. 

Nevertheless, it's always nice to come back to this space. 

I've documented a lot of my thoughts, feeling and emotions in this space without realising how much I've grown in the process, over the years. What used to hurt me, has now become so small and minuscule. What used to wrap around my head so much has changed into questions like, "what can I do to ensure that I can be happy with myself?" and "how do I protect myself better whenever I feel like my emotions are getting out of hand?"

And every decision I make, is solely because I choose to stay away from negative energy that doesn't serve me anymore. I want to be free from those emotions that used to drag me down. There are things that I can control, and many that I can't. 

Of course, I'm not perfect. There are days when I give in to my feelings of self-doubt, to my curiosity and there are days where I don't feel like I can one hundred per cent be true to the words that I keep telling myself. There are days where I give in to the voices that aren't good for me, but here I am, still trying, still wanting so much better for myself. 

As I sit here, listening to the new vinyl from my love, soaking in all the calm vibes that I could get from my single day of rest before resuming the daily grind again tomorrow morning, I find myself feeling absolutely thankful for everything that I have in this life. 

How beautiful a gift that was, such a pleasant surprise. What made it prettier is how we listened to the whole album on repeat while we're chilling and enjoying each other's company, and he went, "It feels different, doesn't it, listening to a record on a vinyl player instead of Spotify." Yes my love, it does. The simplest things always bring forth the most beautiful effects. 

'Be kind to yourself.' 

An advice I keep telling myself over the years. I celebrate every small win because every step into growth that I could take, is something worth celebrating and living for. To know that I'm not the same person that I was yesterday, to know that I'm learning to be a better person with every single day that passed. Every lesson in this life brings growth and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.

Love, 
Ashhy



Vinyl days, quiet ways

May 9, 2025


This year came and went in full swing, it felt eventful even in its moments of stagnancy. I find it difficult to believe that it's already May, and we're so close to the second half of the year already. I haven't quite processed everything that happened at the start of the year till now, it all went by so quickly but I'm grateful, so grateful for everything that had happened this year.


I think it's always good to start a post with a little gratitude because honestly life isn't the easiest, but it's the fact that we wake up every day and kept going, that makes it all so worthwhile. 

I haven't touched my laptop in months, haven't been doing any form of writing or journalling at all. I forgot how therapeutic it is to let my thoughts flow, it makes my heart a little lighter. Sometimes, I would feel inspired for a quick second, there would be a couple of topics I told myself that I'd love to write about on my blog, and then I forgot about it. I guess that could be why my last post was in last August. 

Nevertheless, it's always nice to come back to this space. 

I've documented a lot of my thoughts, feeling and emotions in this space without realising how much I've grown in the process, over the years. What used to hurt me, has now become so small and minuscule. What used to wrap around my head so much has changed into questions like, "what can I do to ensure that I can be happy with myself?" and "how do I protect myself better whenever I feel like my emotions are getting out of hand?"

And every decision I make, is solely because I choose to stay away from negative energy that doesn't serve me anymore. I want to be free from those emotions that used to drag me down. There are things that I can control, and many that I can't. 

Of course, I'm not perfect. There are days when I give in to my feelings of self-doubt, to my curiosity and there are days where I don't feel like I can one hundred per cent be true to the words that I keep telling myself. There are days where I give in to the voices that aren't good for me, but here I am, still trying, still wanting so much better for myself. 

As I sit here, listening to the new vinyl from my love, soaking in all the calm vibes that I could get from my single day of rest before resuming the daily grind again tomorrow morning, I find myself feeling absolutely thankful for everything that I have in this life. 

How beautiful a gift that was, such a pleasant surprise. What made it prettier is how we listened to the whole album on repeat while we're chilling and enjoying each other's company, and he went, "It feels different, doesn't it, listening to a record on a vinyl player instead of Spotify." Yes my love, it does. The simplest things always bring forth the most beautiful effects. 

'Be kind to yourself.' 

An advice I keep telling myself over the years. I celebrate every small win because every step into growth that I could take, is something worth celebrating and living for. To know that I'm not the same person that I was yesterday, to know that I'm learning to be a better person with every single day that passed. Every lesson in this life brings growth and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.

Love, 
Ashhy



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