"It'll come – and then, it'll pass"

This space I hold so dearly, thank you for being my safe space. 

Today, I wasn't in the best mood. I was frustrated with myself because I had a decision to make, and chose to do the right thing but it backfired. I wondered how different would things be if I had just chosen the choice that benefited me the most instead of trying to do right by me, my values and morals. It made me realise how unfair things can be, and there will be times when nothing really goes your way. And doing the right thing, may not be the best for you after all. 

However, it was my conscience that led me to make the decision I made. I couldn't see myself not doing the right thing, even if it meant that I might lose something because of that decision. I weighed my options, and still decided on taking the high road. I guess, in some ways, I should be proud of myself but sadly, it actually ruined my entire mood and I dealt with it by taking a three-hour nap. Classic. This is how I deal with difficult emotions sometimes. It's how I take care of myself when I feel like I'm spiralling down. 

Truthfully, I'm still bothered by it. However, things have happened the way it did and there's nothing much I could do to turn things around. I'm trying to let the feeling pass, I gave myself some time. As compared to how I felt hours ago, I think I'm doing much better now. 

What turned my entire day around was when a friend of mine who I was sharing my grievances to, surprised me with an order of açai bowl delivered right to my doorstep. "I just wanted to cheer you up," she said. That simple act of kindness, really did turn my whole day around. To know that you are loved, cared for and heard meant a lot more than so many things in this life. Thank you.

And not to get spiritual, but sometimes I think God works in mysterious ways like these. I really didn't know why I was so affected the whole day that nothing could make me feel better, and then this happened, and it really did make me smile. It made me feel like my problems are so insignificant, so little. I can't explain it. I just feel a shift in my energy, and knew that things are going to be okay and it's time for me to move forward and get over how I was feeling. 

And that led me here. 

To be honest, there are so many things I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about taking my parents to Switzerland at the start of the year, where they got to see snow fall for the very first time. I wanted to write about how I challenged myself, took up a new role at work and started learning a new language. French — A language I've always wanted to learn. I wanted to write about how I just hit a milestone, hitting my 10-year mark in the airline. A whole decade of flying, and probably the longest relationship I've ever had. 

I wanted to write about all these stuff, and I guess one day I will. Somehow, what I'll end up writing about would always be tied to how I'm feeling currently, it will always end up sounding rather sentimental. Maybe because deep down I feel that life isn't always about the productivity or achievements. Sometimes, it's about holding yourself in difficult moments and reminding yourself that it will pass — and it did. 

Some days, surviving the feeling is enough.

Love,

Ashhy