I've never been the kind of girl who would think of applying for a license the second I turn 18. It's never been my lifelong goal. My father has spent a bulk of his life driving a cab for a living, so I grew up knowing that everywhere I go, I know I can always depend on my dad to drive me wherever. Even until I started working in SQ and we have to go to and fro via a cab, my father refused to let anyone else drive me around because he wanted to send/fetch me instead. Sometimes I wonder if it's really a matter of convenience or if it's actually because he couldn't let go of his only daughter, so it's his way of showing me that he'll always be there for me.
Sometimes my colleagues wonder if I was born in a privileged family because why on Earth would anyone cancel on free transport when it's given to us, but I'm not rich- not even close. But I cannot deny that I do have the privilege of being the daughter of the sweetest parents in the entire world, who up till now, would always put their children's needs before their own. That's why my parents mean the entire world to me. There's no way in this world could I ever repay them for all that they've done for me. I owe my life to them, and the only way I could ever give back to them is to never let them down and make the best decisions for myself so that I could grow up into a decent human being with good morals and principles as how they've raised me.
I remind myself every day that my parents aren't getting any younger, and I ought to cherish every living moment with them now while I still have the chance. Hence, this was one of the biggest reasons why I decided to step out of my comfort zone and do something with my life that I've never, ever thought I'd ever find the courage to do. To give back to the people I love most.
One day when my parents are old and frail, I want to be there for them just as much as they've been there for me. And one way I could do that is to do what they've always done for me- to drive them anywhere they wish to go just as how my dad has been driving me everywhere since I was a little girl.
One day when my parents are old and frail, I want to be there for them just as much as they've been there for me. And one way I could do that is to do what they've always done for me- to drive them anywhere they wish to go just as how my dad has been driving me everywhere since I was a little girl.
The Journey
Unfortunately, I wasn't blessed with skills good enough handle a car naturally. I know it's a skill that needs to be learned, it takes practice to get it right, but all the men in my life made it seem like the easiest thing to do- and I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I'd ever be able to make it on the road outside one day because the mechanics of a car just feels so foreign to me.
I swear to God this was one of the hardest things I've ever decided to do in my life and I cannot count the number of times I thought of quitting. I remember dragging my feet each time I have to step into the driving centre, knowing that I'm about to do something that I naturally suck at- it just feels really crappy every time. I passed my BTT & FTT with 50/50 and 49/50 with only one attempt respectively but the amount of times I took the practice/trial tests before that were pretty embarrassing. I just couldn't grasp the concepts that easily, so Luke had to be my personal tutor and used analogies to explain to me the concepts of a car.
Practical lessons never fail to give me anxiety, I have to literally give myself a pep talk to calm myself down. It was only towards the end where I found two instructors who were excellent, they're the only ones I fixed throughout the last few driving lessons I had before the practical test.
Although driving really was a challenge for me, I took every practical lesson day by day and forgave myself for the mistakes I've made, knowing that there's still a lot of room to grow and I'm allowed to make all these mistakes while learning. As long as you know you've made improvements as you progress, then you're on the right track.
These things are pretty embarrassing to admit, but thinking back on all these things made me realise how far I've come in this journey. It hasn't been easy for me, and it still isn't easy for me but I'm really proud of myself for how far I've come in this journey.
There were a lot of times I broke down because I just felt completely and utterly useless for not being able to be naturally good at something that's supposed to be like second nature, and I felt like giving up because I cannot see myself ever making it to the end, but I'm so glad I didn't give in to these negative emotions. Instead I used all the anger and frustration to fuel my desire to get my licence, wiped my tears and pulled up my socks, and worked really hard to not let myself down.
I just know that I couldn't let anyone else down either. Luke has been my ultimate pillar of strength and support, he was there for me every step of the way. When I was at my lowest, he was there to comfort me and tell me that he believed in me. He took his time to explain to me things that I cannot understand on my own, he educated me with terms that made it simpler for me. He gave me mock tests so that I'd be more than ready when the time comes, and he'd be there to wait for me every time I take a test- patiently waiting outside the room with anticipation. My mum and dad, who'd send me to each and every practical lesson. They know how difficult it had been for me to make the decision to do this for myself knowing just how much I'm struggling with it. They've never pressured me, they've always assured me that I could do it. Even my brother, who'd bring me to an empty carpark to practice parking. Everybody was rooting for me, the baby of the family. I couldn't let them down.
So when the day comes, when I finally took my practical test on the 23rd of November in 2018, getting the results was the most exhilarating feeling I've ever felt in my life. I looked at the results given by the traffic police officer and saw that I've gotten 16 demerit points and there was that single four-lettered word printed in bold that changed my life forever saying "PASS". I shrieked! Couldn't believe it that I actually did it!
I walked out happily and found Luke waiting outside, he carried and spun me around when he learned that I passed. It was one thing to be happy for myself at that moment, but knowing that I didn't let Luke down made me feel even happier inside.
I walked out happily and found Luke waiting outside, he carried and spun me around when he learned that I passed. It was one thing to be happy for myself at that moment, but knowing that I didn't let Luke down made me feel even happier inside.
There was a time that I thought this was impossible for me to achieve. Especially for someone who has struggled as hard as I did while getting there, I wouldn't expect myself to pass my practical test within one attempt. This might not be a big deal to some, but it is a huge deal for me. An accomplishment that I feel that I have the right to be proud of, even if it seemed silly to everyone else. For a girl who'd never thought that she'd ever see herself driving one day, here I am, holding a driver's license with my picture on it- and this is a story of the journey I went through to get here. With this achievement alone, I feel like I've learned so much about perseverance and determination and how important it is to believe in yourself even when nobody else believes in you.
After all, no matter how big or small your accomplishments are, you are the only person alone who knows how satisfying it would feel to get what you've always wanted. Never let anyone belittle you and your goals because they're not a part of your journey. Stay focused and stay motivated and most importantly, never give up on something that keeps your soul alive. After that, pat yourself on the back and say, "good job" because you sure as hell deserve it. Don't ever, ever, ever let anyone else make you feel otherwise.
And always remember that the ones who love you will always believe in you, and they'll always be there for you.
And always remember that the ones who love you will always believe in you, and they'll always be there for you.
To those of you reading this at this moment of time today, I hope that you achieve all that you hope to achieve and I hope that you'll continue to make yourself proud every single day.
You deserve the world. Good luck and have a wonderful 2019!
Love,
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