Dear skies,
These days feel a little heavy on my soul.
I always find myself back here whenever I'm feeling some sort of way. It's not that I'm sad, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. But sometimes, stronger emotions take over control and I find myself being clouded by grey skies that I try my hardest to ignore most times.
There's a part of me that knows there's a significant end that's coming to a chapter that's been a part of my life for a while now. It's a period of transition in my life where I don't quite feel like the old me anymore, and I know that every decision I make right now will lead to where life will take me in the future. There's a whole lot of uncertainty, but these days, there seemed a be a sort of clarity and finality by the voices in my head, telling me, "it's almost time, you should let go now".
You, skies, have heard my quietest prayers, the long and endless wishing to be back home whenever I'm so far away. The clouds have seen my deepest sorrows, even when it's being masked by performative smiles. I've been longing, longing to be home and no where else. Just home.
For years, I've waited for a reason to stay grounded. To keep my feet planted on the ground and allow myself to fully belong somewhere. I never wanted to admit it, but the truth is, the parts of my life spent away from the skies have been the moments I felt most like myself- the version of me that burned with dreams, energy, and fire. The version I thought the skies would help me find. And they did, for a while. Until they didn't.
I no longer feel the pull to go further, higher or faster. The skies have already carried me farther than I ever imagined. I've touched places I've never dreamed of. I've lived out of a suitcase and seen the sun set in languages I don't speak. But now, I feel a quiet shift within me. A knowing. There is a life for me away from the skies. And I think it might shine even brighter.
But skies, I want to thank you, for holding me when I didn't realise I needed to be held. For teaching me how small I am in the vastness of it all, and how full of wonder I can still be. For reminding me, every time I rose above the clouds, that even the darkest of days can look beautiful from the right altitude.
I don't resent you for the way that I've changed. I think I've just outgrown the version of me that needed you to feel free. Maybe that's what growth looks like- not climbing higher, but finally coming down.
So if this is goodbye, let it be a soft one. No turbulence. No chaos. Just a quiet landing.
One last descent, into myself. Into home.
Into whatever comes next.
Love,
Ashhy
Whatever comes next for you, I have no doubt that it will be just as beautiful and meaningful as all the moments that have led you here and as the incredible soul that you are. Wishing you the absolute best in whatever comes next. Bonne chance, รฉcrivain.
ReplyDeleteYou have a way with words, I felt them in my heart. Thank you for your kindness, gentil รฉtranger. Sending prayers and goodness your way.
DeleteGodspeed, Ashhy. Hope that whatever comes next for you brings euphoria.
ReplyDelete