I've been listening to this song on repeat.
I love the story behind it. I love that it's about a father trying to explain to his young son about his separation with his wife and that it's something that happens in life and that it's nobody's fault.
How do you even begin to explain divorce to children? How can they ever understand something as complicated as life, love and divorce? How do you explain to an innocent child that everything in life is so fragile and that these painful experiences will shape them one day? Their hearts are still too tender to understand, yet they will have to go through that trauma at such a young age. How will they grow up to be normal, when they will always yearn to have a normal family like everyone else?
It'll never be easy.
These are just my late night thoughts, trying to escape the other thoughts in my mind. I do this on a daily basis, it's been hard to get a peaceful sleep. I tell myself every day that "better days will come" but I'm starting to lose faith. I try so hard to be so strong, but I just keep falling apart.
I created an entire playlist on Spotify last night about love. It honestly is the most beautiful playlist I have on Spotify, but instead of sappy love songs that I used to love, it's filled with songs with the deepest meanings that it's almost depressing. I used to have my head above the clouds, but I've become someone so jaded and realistic, I don't know if I should be proud of myself or mourn the momentary loss of my idealistic self.
"When you love someone..."
... you let them go, right?
What's the point of holding on when you're fighting a losing battle? I have no capacity in me to get myself hurt again. I deserve to be loved, to be chosen, to be the only one. If my happiness needs to be sacrificed so others can smile again, feel again and start anew, I'd take that chance to do something right.
"We accept the love we think we deserve," and if that's so, then I'm good with nothing.
At least not for now.
What have I got to offer when everything inside me feels like an aftermath of a tornado? Am I even capable of loving again? I feel like I should come with a sign that says, "Warning: Proceed With Caution".
This is the part where I'd usually find something motivational to say. Even when I don't have it in me, I'd come up with something. Sadly, right now, I've got nothing. I'm listening to Collide by Howie Day and the chorus hits differently tonight:
"Even the best fall down sometimesEven the wrong words seem to rhymeOut of the doubt that fills my mind,I somehow find you and I collide"
Love,
Ashhy
Why do you have photos of your ex then?
ReplyDeleteBecause I loved.
DeleteAnd sometimes just knowing that at one point of time in my life, I was able to love someone so much and cherish something so much, and still honour that when things go south, is everything I need to remind myself that Iβm only human.
I respect that about you. But I feel that sometimes, unknowingly, we hold onto some parts of our lives so hard, that it becomes harder to move on fully from the past. And pictures are one of them. We have to realise that we can do better and be amazing all on our own. You deserve better. We got to learn to love ourselves, without having validity that we needed someone else to love us back at one point. Self-love is the most beautiful thing we need to embrace. That might help you move on easier. These are just my two cents worth.
DeleteTake care :)
Truth be told, itβs really easy to assume we know more about someone based on what they choose to let on. I appreciate the curiosity, but not the invasion of privacy and the blind assumption. Advice need not be given without being asked. It makes one look like a fool when the subject isnβt even about the person they might think itβs intended for.
Delete