Someday you will,

I find myself looking back at my older posts whenever I couldn't find the motivation to get back into writing again. I wanted to remember what I used to write about, in hopes that maybe the inspiration would come back again. Sometimes, I just get so amazed at what I find.

It's like perhaps it's myself knowing that I needed to take a stroll down memory lane to remember exactly what this blog was meant to be. It's never meant to be a travel blog, it's never meant to be a guide to life- it's always been and will always be, plain and simple, my diary.

Thoughts like, "Is this worth writing about?" or "Will anybody read something like this?" don't exactly cross my mind all that much because I never really cared about any of that. There were some posts I wish no one will ever see because those were written during the darkest times of my life, moments I'm not very proud of. But I've never quite realised that those were the posts that were the most important to me, because reading back on all of that made me realise just how capable I am of going through bad times and coming out stronger than before.

It was all thanks to the posts that were written during those times in my life that made me realise that everything I have in my life right now is all thanks to the hard times I've been through. So even if I could rewind time and change anything in the past, I probably wouldn't want to.

And today, perhaps I just want to thank my past self for being so raw and honest, yet so optimistic about how life would turn out because I am who I am now because of her. I find it to be the biggest blessing to have record of how much I've grown through the years through a platform like this.

Over time, I feel that my priorities have shifted, and I find myself constantly wanting to live up to other people's perception of me. I find myself getting more and more self-aware about what I write, what I post because I'll always want to show the best of me, trying to set a good example to all. But I fail to focus on my well-being, my mental health, that I forget about what this blog actually stems from, what I've always wanted it to be. Trying to live up to that kind of expectation makes me want to stay away from everything and everyone because I'm never always going to be the kind of person people wish I could be for them, and perhaps I give myself a little too much pressure of having to look like I have it all together, all the time.

The answer to all this could be very simple.

"Then, don't."

But then, I think to myself, ”What difference does it make if I were to suddenly disappear just to run away from it all?”

Instead of taking a step back, why don't I use this as an opportunity for me to reach out to more people out there who could probably relate to my experiences, my feelings, and use it to constantly bring out the positivity that's ever so lacking in our society these days?

I looked back at my posts as inspiration for me to also motivate others out there to use their past as ammunition to battle whatever difficulties they have to overcome and write about it, so that other people can learn from their own experiences in life too. Instead of being afraid to show their low points, why don't we embrace them so that one day we could look back on all that and measure our growth and feel a sense of empowerment over that too?

My blog has taught me that being true to yourself brings you somewhere in life.

There's strength in admitting that things aren't going right in your life, and there's strength in sharing how you overcame all that. There's strength in believing that things will look up again for you someday, and there's strength in being and staying humble in whichever point you are at in life. And I pray that I'll always be unafraid to go through low points in my life, sharing them with all of you, in hopes that you could learn something from me too.

I figured that I'll never be good at hiding it all in, writing has been my escape through it all and it has been very effective for me. Sometimes it doesn't even have to make sense to anybody, but as long as I know the reason why it's being put out there, it's more than good enough.

If there's anything I've learned from sharing "too much" is that when you fall, there's no where else to go than up and you'll always find yourself in a better place after going through a difficult situation. I think we're all amazing in that sense, if we love ourselves enough, there's no one in the world who wouldn't want to get ourselves out of a bad situation as soon as we can, we'd work hard to get ourselves out of the black hole and into our happy place again. I'd like to believe it's part of how resilient we all are, as a human race. It just depends on how much we want to prove that to ourselves.

Someday I'm going to look back at this post and know exactly why I'm writing this tonight. I'm going to look back and thank myself for it.

Someday you'll understand too.

Love,