God, I miss this space. I miss writing.
The month of November has been nothing but a blessing, I haven't been this happy in such a long time. I have so much to update, so many pictures to edit and choose from. I want to write about Paris with one of my best friends, Liting. I want to write about my birthday, Luke's birthday. I want to write about my first ever concert experience- being able to see Ed Sheeran live. I want to write about how amazing November has been so far.
It's going to take a while till I sort everything out because I'm also in the midst of backing up everything in my phone, deleting unnecessary data and updating my software and apps. I want to make sure my phone is all synced up before getting myself a new phone. That's also something that I've been deliberating about- to get an iPhone 8 Plus, iPhone X or switch to android (because boy, that Samsung Galaxy 8s' camera is something else). But I guess the best option for me honestly is the iPhone 8 Plus in Gold because it's good enough for me.
These couple of days have been great, I've been so happy. It's the beauty of November, I guess. It's my favourite month, and my favourite time of the year. It's no surprise though why I love November so much, it's the month Luke and I were born. It's a month of celebration for us, and soon, there will be another reason for us celebrate the month of November. It's that time of the year where I feel a little disconnected from the outside world, and a little closer to myself. I love November, for all that it is- that delicate, peaceful beauty that is November.
I wonder if you guys are still sticking around, waiting for an update. If you are, thank you. I'm still right here. I can't wait to share the best moments of this month with all of you, and I'll do so once I'm done with all that I need to do for now.
I hope that next month will be pretty exciting too, I'll most probably be spending my annual leave in Dubai to visit Bonnie. Partially because I have no idea what to do with my free ticket this year so I thought it'd be great to use it to spend some quality time with my best friend whom I haven't seen in ages. Fi's also getting married next month on New Year's Eve and I'm scrambling to change my flight to be able to be there for her wedding. Out of all the days I could've been rostered for a flight to Rome, Planning chose possibly the worst timing ever. But no way am I going to miss the wedding even if it's Rome. So I guess if there's a will, there's a way, right? Please #PrayForAshhy.
This week, while I'm on my short break (a break I took solely to spend quality time with Luke for his birthday), I spent a portion of the time I had to go for my driving lessons. Am I the only one who has to drag my feet to go for these lessons? I just find it such a drag and I can't wait to pass it so I can get it over and done with. My dad seems to have the highest expectations of me and was psyched when I decided to get my license. The only reason why I'm doing this is so that I can finally drive my own car. And I guess taking up a new skill for self-improvement wouldn't hurt too. But man, I still rather be driven than drive. Let's see how it goes though. Again, please #PrayForAshhy, and please also pray for your safety when I finally pass because I'm potentially a road hazard, haha.
The year is coming to an end, but so much is still happening and there's so many events to look forward to. Interesting, isn't it? I've been reflecting a lot, about everything that has happened this year. Funnily, I didn't expect 2017 to be quite the year it has been, but naturally, life has a way of making you go through a roller coaster ride, never staying stagnant.
Stay with me, I'll be back soon with more interesting content.
Till then.
Love,
Ashhy
Hi Ashhy.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you know who I am, or have a feeling of who I might be. But I just wanted to thank you for being such a lovely person and for inspiring me to be one as well.
The reason why I am commenting this is because I have a confession. For a long time (probably months to close to a year even, but hey that's still a long time, right?) I wanted to be like you, to be as elegant, kind, mature and intelligent. I find your writing to be relatable and your posts, uplifting.
But I've realized that I've lost myself in trying to be someone else. With that being said, it's not fair towards you because you never asked to be a role model. You are just being you.
Also, this may just be my own imagination, but I have a feeling you blocked me on your tumblr (or maybe my tumblr settings went haywire or IDK since I don't actually use Tumblr that often to be a pro at it haha) but it made me realise that I may have crossed certain privacy boundaries of yours, and I never want you to feel uncomfortable in sharing on your blog or tumblr or askfm or IG or whatever other social media platform you may have, so if you have ever felt that way, or if you felt like someone was copying you or anything similar to that at all, and if it was of my doing, I apologize. It was never my intention.
Like I mentioned, yes, I did want to be like you, and all the amazing qualities that you possess because I find that you are so relatable. But from today onwards, I will keep my distance from your other social media (even IG, though your pictures are so pretty!!! *cries*), and only visit your blog from time to time for your posts, so that I can continue to stay inspired but at the same time, stay true to myself and, not to make you feel uncomfortable, if you have ever felt so.
I do love your writing, and your content on this blog, which is the very reason why I am inspired, and why I have stayed around on this space hehehe.
I would love to be friends with you one day if God wills it. You are a lovely person. But even if it does one day happen, I think it'll be better that I don't know every single thing about you (hahaha) and you nothing of me. What a weird friendship that would be, right? Haha. So I'll still stay by your blog and keep a distance from the other social media (as I mentioned above haha, I really don't want you to be uncomfortable).
On a different note, glad that you had an amazing November, and may December be even more great for you. This post is beautifully written, as always.
Thank you for reading my long ass comment.
HAVE A GOOD DAY! :)
Dear H,
DeleteIt must've taken a lot from you to write that truly heartfelt comment, and I could tell that it came from a deep place in your heart and for that, I thank you.
You have such a beautiful soul, I could feel the raw emotions and that you were trying to convey in the way you write. It has always been something that I've seen in you from the first comment you left on one of my posts months ago, you have that unique ability to make someone's day with your kind words and your big heart. You certainly made mine, many times.
I read your comment in the car on the way home, after touching down from an overnight flight without any sleep. I remember being in a state of confusion that made me forget how tired I was- I never knew that I could affect someone so much. I was shocked, a little flattered- I can't deny, but apologetic too. I want you to know that it wasn't my intention to hurt you in any way, and I will try my best to write you the reply that you deserve- one with lots of heart, in the best way I know how.
You were right, I don't know who you are and neither do you know who I am, aside from what I chose to show on social media. Which is why I hope that by the end of this essay of a reply, you'll understand me a little better as a person and know that the last thing I would want to do is to hurt a stranger, who has been nothing but kind to me.
Not many people know of my current Tumblr ever since I deleted the old one that I had. It was a space I didn't mind if people read, yet I hope nobody would find ever find out. I remember creating that Tumblr to cope with my emotions, because I find solace in writing. I wanted a platform I could be absolutely raw and vulnerable, a place where I could write about content that are a little more personal, a little more intimate than I let on in my public blog.
I never wanted to garner any attention to my Tumblr, so I did not follow anyone except for blogs where I could find impactful, empowering quotes, book excerpts and brilliantly written poems. And I blocked every Tumblr user who followed me because I didn't want to know that there were "eyes" on my posts. I guess it's because it was easier to write thinking that nobody's looking. The reason why I'm writing this in detail is because I feel like you deserve an explanation, I didn't want to leave you feeling unsettled, wondering why would a girl who you've always thought was worthy of your admiration could find it in her heart to block you when you did absolutely nothing wrong. Please don't apologise for anything at all because it has little to do with you, it's more about the walls I built up so high that no one could ever break through because that's just how I am. Everybody's fighting their own battles, and the vicious one being the one with themselves.
A line from your comment that stood out to me was when you said that you've "lost yourself in trying to be someone else". Admiration is great, but if you're going to lose yourself in process, then my dear, it's not worth it. I don't even know you personally but your infectious vibe is already something I fell in love with from the start and that's just by the couple of comments you've left on my blog, and if that's not saying just how great of a person you are, I don't know what will. Your genuinity is clear, I could feel sincerity in every word you say and all of that show character, and it's impossible to not like someone like you, and I wish you could see yourself the way I do. And I truly hope that one day you'll find yourself, and fall in love with all that you are.
DeleteMagic happens when you find self-acceptance, and that's when you see everyone around you in a much different light. You'll see beauty in every single person that you meet, you'll fall in love with their quirks and their imperfections that you can't imagine how it'd be like if they were any different. The world is so diverse, there's so much to learn about everybody. The people you see as role models might be the most flawed people you'd ever know when you do get to know them, and the people who you wouldn't take a second look at might have the greatest personalities that are just waiting for you discover. But before that happens, you must learn to love every strength and every flaw inside of you and be okay with all of that. To know that you're great without wanting to be anybody else but you, that's growing. That's the turning point.
If distancing yourself away from me will make you find yourself again, then I hope that you'll find what you're looking for, and more. I wish you all the best and best of luck in everything, and I hope that your days are only going to get better and that you'll see the beauty in every single lemon life throws in your way.
I'll see you around, H. ;)
Love,
Plain ol' Jane- Ashhy