Currently, I'm in London and I just got back from a quick trip to Primark to get a few things. I think I've been in here way too many times that it suddenly hit me how I was commuting in the tube with an Oyster card (just like our EZlink card in Singapore), going around places without even looking at the map anymore. It just feels like second home somehow.
I had such a hard time sleeping last night that when I finally did, I was awake in the afternoon. It must be the jetlag, but thank God my body's gotten used to London's GMT by now. Fatigue and jetlag just do not go well together, that's why sleeping is probably my favourite thing to do these days. Getting a 12-hour sleep these days is a norm for me now, I knock out like nobody's business at any time of the day and wake up at ungodly hours. The other day when I got back from Sydney, I slept in the afternoon and woke up at midnight, casually fixed myself a tumbler of lemon water and slept again till the next morning.
Well, the good thing is that I'm more of a morning person than I used to be back then. I'd be awake at 7am, 8am because breakfast is my favourite part of the day. I wake up for breakfast, to get my engine all revved up. Now I'm thinking if I should give the tea parlour near the hotel a visit tomorrow morning, just to get myself a good tea fix before the flight back home. There's just something about having a hot cup of tea in the morning that could really soothe the soul.
It's 7.40pm in the evening now and I'll probably head to the gym to work out a little, pack on some face mask after shower and get a good night's sleep. I got to talk to Luke a little this morning, even when I'm miles away from home, he's still the most comforting part of my day. Just being able to hear his voice makes me feel better instantly.
I can't help but feel a little jaded these days because after a while, I get a little sick of flying and being away all the time. Then there's Luke who would be all, "you're truly living the life, baby" and I'd be all confused like "what do you mean" and he'd say that because there are people who are going through actual life struggles, and would kill to trade their lives with mine and here I am, where my biggest dilemma of the day is whether to go out and sightsee in London on a Saturday or to chill and rest in the hotel. There are people who would love to have the chance to visit London at least once in their lives, and here I am, casually going shopping for sleepwear in Primark with no make up on as if I'm going to Cotton On at a nearby mall.
When he puts it that way, it brought me to shame because truly, what right do I have to be upset?
When God takes something good from you, He'll also bless you with something else. Likewise, when God gives you something good in life, He'll take away something from you as well. To me, that's precious time with my loved ones. That's the price I have to pay for the life that I have now. Sometimes, I think it's a price too high to pay for someone like me who'd want nothing more than a simple, happy life and being surrounded by everyone I love. Then, there's also a part of me who is addicted to this stress-free, carefree lifestyle, where you literally sign off the minute you leave the metal tube.
Now, you see, that's the true struggle of this life that I chose.
Whether it's a good or bad thing, I can't quite categorise. Is it possible to love and hate something at the same time? But I do know I won't be here forever. It still feels like a dream, and the reality of dreams is that someday, you'll have to wake up from it. Right now, right now I don't want to wake up from this dream just yet.
Temporary.
All these are temporary. The good, and also the bad. I believe that God wants me to learn something from this. I believe that there are hard lessons to learn behind this blessing He has given me. I guess this is why life isn't easy. Whether you have it all or you have none, there'll always be something that's missing from the equation. That's why this life is not eternal, why it's so far from perfect. All we could do is make the most out of every moment that we have, and learn to see the good in the bad, yet at the same time, never be too content with your life to be blinded by those around you who are struggling. We all have a thing or two to learn from each other, and we all need each other to make ourselves feel whole again. Maybe that's why he created love so we'll find our soulmates, then we'll reproduce and build a family of people you care about with all your heart. With love, you have family, and with family, you have happiness.
Funny how it all makes sense now.
It all makes sense when I'm writing senselessly. How did it get to this point, I'm not sure.
But I feel better now. I feel happy now, because I'm flying back home tomorrow, back into the arms of the people I love. Now that's why I'm always hanging on, because no matter what happens, I'll always come back home to where love is.
Till then guys, now I've got to show some love to my body by heading to the gym to work out.
Spread the love, guys. Be kind always.
Love,
Ashhy
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