'Be the person who cares'

These are some of my favourite words from my book of healing. 

To be the person who cares. It sounds like something so simple, but it's easier said than done. Truthfully, everyone is just looking out for themselves. And it's not anyone's fault. The older you get, the more you get to see. The truth in people, the truth in the world, and how you have to make your skin a little thicker in order to survive in this cruel world. Everyone has to look out for themselves because not everyone has the best intentions for you, not everyone is looking out for you. Not everyone you meet is a friend, and it's so easy to have people turn their backs on you. To find a person who truly cares, as you grow, turned out to be one of the hardest things. If you do have that person, know that they're gold. And if you don't, be that person for others.

This quote reminded me of someone very special to me. This person, he taught me so much about life that sometimes I feel myself turning into a different person the more time I spend with him. He's someone so special, so rare to find and I feel like the universe brought him into my life for a divine reason. 

Sometimes I feel like he will never know how much his presence has changed my life. I find myself thinking a lot more about life, questioning things about myself like never before, and I keep searching for these answers. It's like he opened a Pandora's Box of wonders that aided me in my soul-searching journey, almost unintentionally. It's just the person that he is, he gave me a lot to think about. 

Authenticity. Staying true to oneself. It's something that I find so rare in a person, people are almost always putting on a facade and chasing after temporary highs, searching for a deeper meaning in the wrong places. Myself, included. I struggle with my authenticity because sometimes I feel like two different people. The person I portray myself to be in the online world, in my job, versus the core of who I am as a person when no one is watching, the person I am inside. 

Loving him, required me to look into who I truly am as a person. 

I had to question myself, am I capable of being 'the person who cares'? One that is able to 'believe in the softness of the world, the goodness in other people'? One that can continue to 'stay soft in a world that hasn't always been kind to them'. The world needs more people like these. But for one to become someone who sees the world this way, they must've gone through something deep and excruciatingly painful to their soul. These are the kinds of people who has experienced loss, heartbreak and had been let down one too many times. It's always the ones who were hurt the most in their past who love the deepest.

Empathy. Sometimes when I let my mind get too deep into his soul, I hurt, because I feel it all. To understand him, required me to be in a place where I've never personally been. Why? Because I care. And if there's anyone in this world more deserving of kindness, love and compassion, it's the one who has always tried their best to be the person who cares for others. They need someone who cares for them just as intensely as how they put their hearts on the line for others. They are the one who deserved it the most. 

He came into my life when I was the most broken I've ever been. He stayed when it's easier to leave, he wiped away all my tears when they fall way too easily, he took all my broken pieces and loved me back to health. He sees me as a prized possession even when I had nothing to offer, he still sees the value in me even when I deemed myself as worthless. He showed me how it's like to always have someone who will always be there, who will always show up, even when the going gets tough. He's the strongest man I know. The one who loved the hardest, hurt himself for others, and the one who cared the most and showed me that it's possible to be someone who can stay soft even when the world hasn't been kind to them. 

He makes me want to be a better person. To strive to be that person for somebody, the kind of person he has been for everyone who has touched his heart and soul in some way or another. The one who cares a little too much, because he knows how much it means to another to have somebody by their side, while they're going through the storms inside them. If he could make it a tad bit better for someone, he would. And he would do it all over again. A heart so genuinely good. A rare soul, indeed. 

I'm so thankful that our paths crossed. 

Love,

Ashhy