I can't pin-point the exact reason why I feel the way I do. I feel like there could be more than one reason for the blues I've been feeling. Sometimes, I really don't understand myself. Why I feel so much, and why I'm feeling them for.
Perhaps, a portion of it comes from my fears. The future I'm afraid of. The unknown is always scary. I feel like I'm ready for what's to come, but one can never be "too prepared" for what life has to offer. Life just doesn't work that way.
Then I worry, I worry about my loved ones. I worry about their pain, their struggles. I want to take them away, make them disappear. What power do I have though? I wish I could do more. This worry made me look up to God more often than I did before. One too many times I asked Him for guidance, for strength. Guilt comes too, knowing that I'm a human of sin.
But I'm okay.
I really am okay. Not entirely, no. But I'm still happy.
Perhaps because I love the ups and downs of life. I love how good times always comes after hardship, and that's how you appreciate everything good that happens to you. I love how the bad times come so you can grow into a wiser person than you were yesterday. I love how one thing is taken away from you, so that there's space for something better.
As I grow older, I realised that this is how life works. We really can't say how life isn't fair, because it is. I may be having a bad day today, but on the other hand, you're having the time of your life. Someday when I smile with joy, you may be crying over a loss of something important in your life. Today I may be crying, but tomorrow I will be rewarded by love from everyone around me. I will find reasons to laugh. I will receive an unexpected news. Or maybe I could make someone's day.
When I think of things this way, my troubles seemed so trivial. My fears seemed irrelevant. I feel stronger. I feel braver.
How can one truly be unhappy when there's so much to be happy about?
You know love is powerful.
When you love yourself, strength becomes you.
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